Double Talk with a Forked Tongue
by Steve West on January 17, 2022
I've decided that from now on, I'm going to answer every question like a presidential candidate.
Friend (voter): "Steve, what are you gonna do this weekend?"
Me (blahblahblah): "That's a great question and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should."
Friend (frustrated voter): "But, what are you gonna do?"
Me (blahblahblahblahblah): "What I'm going to do involves three things: First, it's going to be relaxing; Second, it's going to be enjoyable; Lastly, I'm going to make sure that it's cost-effective so I don't get into a deficit. Four weeks ago, I said I was going to do something - and I did. This weekend will be no different!"
On second thought, talking like this made me want to punch myself in the face. So, never mind.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Vanity Plate
I saw a blue Toyota Rav 4 with a vanity plate SINGPLY. What the hell does that mean? StING PLoY? Go »Christmas and a Lizard's Tale
One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »Massage This
Recent conversation with Brenda: (After a massage and dinner as a birthday gift from her sister) me: How was everything? Brenda: I'm gonna be sore for the next few days. I made the mistake of asking for medium pressure. Go »Vanity Plates
Although a few are a little crude, many of these vanity plates are clever and funny. I've never had a desire to acquire one myself but I do admire a good one when I see it on the road. My personal favorite is "PLAN AHE". Go »My Man-Crush On The Mickster Is Almost Over
How much nonsense can a guy overlook? Apparently, Mickey Rourke has found Jesus. Now, if he could only remember the church he was at so he could return him. Go »
