Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
by Steve West on January 16, 2010

I'm starting to shift my thinking on who's the problem in my relationship with UOAS. Even the most passably inane thing she says requires a sarcastic comment from me. It seems to have become a moral imperative in my mind.

UOAS: Wow look at all those Boston Market dinners. I live on these things.
Me: Really? I take the meatloaf one and make little meat sculptures. It's a really fantastic medium.
UOAS: (quizzical look)
Me: Maybe I'll eat one someday.

UOAS: You sure buy a lot of English muffins.
Me: I'm convinced that inside one of those tasty muffins awaits a toasted portrait of the Virgin Mary. I hear Golden Palace Casino will give me a cool million for that. (I buy muffins for consumption only. Never have I looked for hidden images)
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah. And if it includes Baby Jesus it goes up to a million five.
UOAS: I think I heard about that.
Me: Yeah, they were this close to paying me a hundred grand for St. Francis of Assisi but the deal fell through. They were only willing to give me 200 bucks for Bartholomew, though. I was holding out for more when it got moldy and they backed out.

UOAS: Flintstones vitamins, huh? Is there a Pebbles in there?
Me: I hear that every third bottle has a pornographic Great Gazoo flashing the other vitamins. Some disgruntled manufacturer had a weird sense of humor.

UOAS: (referring to the groceries being almost all checked out) There it goes a little at a time.
Me: I'm assuming you're talking about my money. (knowing full well what she's referring to)

Brenda is convinced that UOAS has a blog site of her own in which she talks about her weekly ordeal of having to deal with difficult customers. And then 'Gruesome And Smelly' said... I'm thinking I deserve it.

One Reply to Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues

Amy Austin | January 17, 2010
LOLLLLLL... and so you would. ;-)

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

David Blaine, Time Traveling Demon

Hilarious parody of David Blaine and his magic victims. Part I & Part II. Go »

All Aboard...

This week's trainwreck of links. Everything goes well with bacon. I repeat, everything goes well with bacon. Go »

Japanese Terebi Game Shows

I'm convinced that Japanese game show producers are violently insane. Here's a sampling of what I mean. Go »

Christmas Post #2: I Can See Clearly Now

Flashlights. Useful when the power goes out to help me find where I put the friggin' candles after the last time I lost friggin' power. They won't save the contents of my refrigerator but I can watch as the milk slowly curdles because I don't have TV or a computer. Go »

The Reunion

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old?” I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma which bore his full name. Go »

If I Were To Make A Children's Show...

...it would be similar to this promo for The Crime Channel featuring Gali the Alligator. The lyrics are a little hard to understand so I've attempted to transcribe them here. Go »