Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
by Steve West on January 16, 2010
I'm starting to shift my thinking on who's the problem in my relationship with UOAS. Even the most passably inane thing she says requires a sarcastic comment from me. It seems to have become a moral imperative in my mind.
UOAS: Wow look at all those Boston Market dinners. I live on these things.
Me: Really? I take the meatloaf one and make little meat sculptures. It's a really fantastic medium.
UOAS: (quizzical look)
Me: Maybe I'll eat one someday.
UOAS: You sure buy a lot of English muffins.
Me: I'm convinced that inside one of those tasty muffins awaits a toasted portrait of the Virgin Mary. I hear Golden Palace Casino will give me a cool million for that. (I buy muffins for consumption only. Never have I looked for hidden images)
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah. And if it includes Baby Jesus it goes up to a million five.
UOAS: I think I heard about that.
Me: Yeah, they were this close to paying me a hundred grand for St. Francis of Assisi but the deal fell through. They were only willing to give me 200 bucks for Bartholomew, though. I was holding out for more when it got moldy and they backed out.
UOAS: Flintstones vitamins, huh? Is there a Pebbles in there?
Me: I hear that every third bottle has a pornographic Great Gazoo flashing the other vitamins. Some disgruntled manufacturer had a weird sense of humor.
UOAS: (referring to the groceries being almost all checked out) There it goes a little at a time.
Me: I'm assuming you're talking about my money. (knowing full well what she's referring to)
Brenda is convinced that UOAS has a blog site of her own in which she talks about her weekly ordeal of having to deal with difficult customers. And then 'Gruesome And Smelly' said... I'm thinking I deserve it.
One Reply to Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Driftwood Horses
I walk along the beach and I see firewood and that opening scene from Jaws. This lady sees Go »Halloween Post #2: Halloween Masks, For Real
No matter how wrinkled I get. No matter how much money I ever make. No matter how desperate I become to restore the perception of my youth. Go »My Favorite Memory
Yesterday, we held the memorial service for my father-in-law. There were approximately 100 people attending and afterward about 1/3 gathered at his home for a small meal and sharing remembrances. I chose to share my memory of the time, twenty years ago, when I asked him for his blessing for my planned proposal to Brenda, his eldest daughter. Go »Woman Attacks Karaoke Singer
A woman attacked a karaoke singer while he was singing Coldplay. A similar thing happened to me once. I was pretty drunk and I started a fight with some guy singing Dave Matthews. Go »Strike Two
Brenda and I attended a school meeting today to discuss the battery of assessments needed to properly develop an education plan for Olivia. After hearing the assessments from the primary teacher, occupational therapist, speech therapist and physical therapist, we got to the part that was a stunner to say the least - the school psychologist. After giving her report which mimicked the other reports to a large degree, she informed us that she felt it was time to officially put it in the record that Olivia was intellectually disabled. Go »
Amy Austin | January 17, 2010
LOLLLLLL... and so you would. ;-)