Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
by Steve West on January 16, 2010
I'm starting to shift my thinking on who's the problem in my relationship with UOAS. Even the most passably inane thing she says requires a sarcastic comment from me. It seems to have become a moral imperative in my mind.
UOAS: Wow look at all those Boston Market dinners. I live on these things.
Me: Really? I take the meatloaf one and make little meat sculptures. It's a really fantastic medium.
UOAS: (quizzical look)
Me: Maybe I'll eat one someday.
UOAS: You sure buy a lot of English muffins.
Me: I'm convinced that inside one of those tasty muffins awaits a toasted portrait of the Virgin Mary. I hear Golden Palace Casino will give me a cool million for that. (I buy muffins for consumption only. Never have I looked for hidden images)
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah. And if it includes Baby Jesus it goes up to a million five.
UOAS: I think I heard about that.
Me: Yeah, they were this close to paying me a hundred grand for St. Francis of Assisi but the deal fell through. They were only willing to give me 200 bucks for Bartholomew, though. I was holding out for more when it got moldy and they backed out.
UOAS: Flintstones vitamins, huh? Is there a Pebbles in there?
Me: I hear that every third bottle has a pornographic Great Gazoo flashing the other vitamins. Some disgruntled manufacturer had a weird sense of humor.
UOAS: (referring to the groceries being almost all checked out) There it goes a little at a time.
Me: I'm assuming you're talking about my money. (knowing full well what she's referring to)
Brenda is convinced that UOAS has a blog site of her own in which she talks about her weekly ordeal of having to deal with difficult customers. And then 'Gruesome And Smelly' said... I'm thinking I deserve it.
One Reply to Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Do Pumpkins Exist Outside Of These Fall Holidays?
They should. I love the taste of homemade pumpkin pie. I almost didn't marry Brenda when she told me she couldn't make one but I thankfully reconsidered. Go »It's Not Just Rhetoric
A personal pet peeve of mine is the use of the phrase, "That's just rhetoric." As if the speech being referred to is meaningless and/or uninspiring. The word rhetoric is to be used to define speech designed to persuade. Go »The Long and Winding Road
I've led my life with few regrets but those few have been big ones. I've posted a bit about my divorce but not about the reasons behind it. I'm not going to now either but I will say that Betsy deserved better at that time. Go »Kinderfest
Brenda and I were going to take the girls sailing but there was rain in the forecast so we decided to put it off for a week. Rainy combined with slightly chilly (60 degrees) doesn't make for a good time outside of Wasilla. So we decided to go to Kinderfest at a local regional park. Go »When Fabio Meets Scatological Humor
Mark Longmire hosts an eclectic website. My favorite section is where he re-titles romance novels and photoshops the new title on the cover. Hilarity ensues. Go »
Amy Austin | January 17, 2010
LOLLLLLL... and so you would. ;-)