So we got this gift from a mother-in law who shall remain nameless; a "super-mega-nuclear look at me long enough and your face will melt like that guy in Raiders toaster. There was nothing wrong with our existing toaster but when she saw it on QVC, my nameless mother-in-law had one of those have to have it moments. I've nicknamed the toaster Darth Vader because regardless of the setting, it turns the bread to the dark side every time. Apparently, Sith Lords consider asphalt posing as an english muffin the cornerstone of a nutritious breakfast. I swear, even when I put bread in for just a few seconds, it's like a David Blaine magic trick. In one color and bam! out another just like that! Toaster waffles become hard as waffle irons. Pop Tarts liquify. Brenda says it would insult her nameless mother if we were to replace it and says it's obviously operator error. Operator error my ass. That thing is alive and craves human flesh. I can tell.


Four Replies to Darth Vader Is Alive And Well And Living In My Toaster

Amy Austin | November 12, 2008
LOL... I've only used it a couple of times (I don't cook *or* toast much), but I've been pretty happy with my radio toaster. ;-)

Tony Peters | November 12, 2008
We had a we had a nucular fooderator on the boat that was the death of popcorn....setting didn't matter on that it was always like pop pop pop, burnt waste....

on a side note it cooked all other forms of food just fine

Lori Lancaster | November 12, 2008
[hidden by author request]

Peter Wilhelm | December 13, 2008
that is why I still want a kitchen big enough that i can get the toaster over large enough to cook a 12" pizza. the door is huge. you can see every inch of the toast and yank it as soon as it is just... so... right.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

When Fabio Meets Scatological Humor

Mark Longmire hosts an eclectic website. My favorite section is where he re-titles romance novels and photoshops the new title on the cover. Hilarity ensues. Go »

Worst Pun Ever

Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: What are you grilling for dinner? me: Wookie steak. Go »

Little Hoover Dam Break

This week's mini-flood o' links. Ridiculous weatherman names. These are real. Go »

You Make Life Worth Living

Recently, I attended a wedding for some close friends of mine. The reception featured a DJ who doubled as emcee announcing what was happening and what would happen next. After doing the stupid chicken dance and the hokey pokey, he tried to create a “feel good” moment for the newlyweds. Go »

Just As I Suspected...

A panel of experts (a group of listeners to Britain's BBC 6) have determined the worst duet in history. Obviously this group has no credentials or necessarily any credibility and history is such a long time. But that's a pretty good vote if schmaltz makes a song bad. Go »

Things Remembered

When I was in kindergarten, a girl brought a doll to class. It was so pretty that even the boys liked it. Everyone played with it but I was the one who broke it. Go »