Illinois 2013 | Tragic Comedy

Ten highlights of my just-concluded road trip to northern Illinois with Kelly, in chronological order:

- Seeing lots of friends and family at our engagement party in St. Charles, our old hometown. I was glad to be able to talk to everyone there, and also glad that I now recognize almost everyone in Kelly's large family on sight. (It took me a few years!) My thanks to Chicago-area Funeratic members who joined the party with their respective spouses and kids: Jackie Mason, Lori Lancaster, and Matthew Preston. I wish I had remembered to take a group photo of us all for this site.

- Playing the depraved, adults-only Cards Against Humanity at the after-party in our hotel with Kelly's close friends from Springfield. What's good to the last drop? Leprosy.

- Dinosaur-watching at the Field Museum in Chicago. My memories of visiting it on grade school field trips are mostly about resenting the abundant stairs. As an adult today, I suppose I still don't like the stairs, but I better appreciated how neat most of the exhibits are, with appeal for all ages and knowledge levels. I wish I could spend a whole week there. Hmm, we have a honeymoon coming up...

- Eating lunch at a colorful Mexican restaurant in Princeton with Kelly's brother Andy. I rarely get one-on-one time with him, and it was refreshing to learn a different perspective on family issues that I hadn't considered before. It helps when hanging out with him that he's a pretty gregarious guy.

- Having the vacation portion of the goo tournament go smoothly. After the disastrous first week of the contest, I really did not need anything else to go wrong while I was mostly offline for ten days. Thankfully, due to advance preparation, it didn't.

- Seeing The Day of the Doctor in a huge 3D screen, even though it meant driving all the way to Davenport late at night. It really made the show cinematic, like what a Doctor Who feature film would look and feel like. Enjoying the terrific show in a room full of eager fans dressed as their favorite Doctors improved the experience even more.

- Having a great time for only a few dollars at Nickel World, and sightseeing the eighty-some Asian restaurants around Rockford. That city must have more Chinese restaurants than Hong Kong.

- Taking Kelly's mother Pat shopping in Peru for a day, while Kelly was stuck working and the rest of the family was busy. I was able to help her get around (no easy feat given her medical situation) and find precisely the right items for herself and for her family as gifts, and we had a good time.

- Introducing Kelly's family to the aforementioned Cards Against Humanity. It was worth it just for the look on Kelly's face when she realized that her retired father knows what pixelated bukkake is. It also provided what might be the single greatest poem I've ever heard:

Hulk Hogan
Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor
Dying

- Shopping for Thanksgiving dinner supplies with Kelly's father Russ, helping Kelly (just a little bit) to prepare the delicious meal, and eating around the dining table with the whole family. My transition from Kelly's boyfriend to family friend to family member has been gradual, but I realized during the meal that I now definitely feel like we're a family. In a few months, we officially will be.

One Reply to Illinois 2013

Scott Hardie | January 1, 2014
The construct-a-poem card in Cards Against Humanity (technically it asks for a haiku but doesn't care about syllable count, so to me it's just about making a three-line poem) is quickly turning into my favorite. Two poems from our game last night:

Lady Gaga
Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot
Dying of dysentery

Drinking ten 5-hour Energys to get fifty continuous hours of energy
Crushing Mr. Peanut's brittle body
Leaving an awkward voicemail

If you haven't played Cards Against Humanity, get a copy and round up some friends who aren't easily embarrassed and have yourself a great time.

Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Feeling Lucky

Yesterday was my 13th anniversary of dating Kelly. We've been through many ups and downs together, and those downs have to do with why we're not married yet, but I love her as much now as I ever have. Here are 13 things that have been a part my life for less time than we've been dating: - The Internet. Go »

No News is Good News

Yesterday I spent eight hours in a hospital waiting room in Tampa while my mother underwent surgery for a torn rotator cuff. She's recovering well, but the harm inflicted on me by eight hours of cable news has yet to wear off. It happened to be Fox News Channel, but that's irrelevant; all news is boring when you're in the hospital and are stuck watching it at length, because the newscasters only repeat over and over the breathless update that they have nothing more to report and here are the things they don't know yet. Go »

Appetite for Destruction

My name is Scott, and I'm an addict. I'm not an alcoholic. I almost never drink alcoholic beverages. Go »

Illinois 2015

Kelly just wrapped up a weeklong conference in Chicago. I flew in to join her for a few days afterwards to visit family and friends around Illinois. Trip highlights: - Adventurous food at the state fair in Springfield: Krispy Kreme donut cheeseburger, deep-fried cheesecake on a stick, Cuban barbecue pork nachos, mmm. Go »

His Name is Bond

[Spoilers for Casino Royale.] One of my favorite bits of any fan-invented mythology is the identity of 007: It is held by some series fans (and me) that "James Bond" is merely a codename. When one Bond is killed or retires, another one takes his place and assumes the same name, which is why you see a different actor every decade and the man doesn't age despite having been around since the Kennedy administration. Go »