Ketchup Packets
by Scott Hardie on May 15, 2010
I was verbally mugged by a former coworker today, a guy I used to think of as a friend some time ago. I had the displeasure of laying him off last year, and after months of struggling to get by with nothing but condiments in his fridge, he started a blog to vent his frustration at me and a few other coworkers he disliked. The comments are very mean-spirited, from professional criticisms about my managerial competence and decision-making, to personal and apparently very nasty jokes about my weight and appearance. This went on for months. I haven't read it, and I don't plan to, and I would appreciate it if you didn't Google it and share any of it with me. It has been the capper to an awful day, when I made a frustrating discovery (our months of scrimping and doing without has netted exactly zero savings), had simultaneous crises at work to deal with, and am exhausted from a long sleepless week. Emotionally, this has been a kick in the groin, which is probably the effect he was hoping for at the time.
I don't know whether to regret trying to help the guy. I tried, albeit not too aggressively, to get him rehired when there was an opening, and I wrote him a glowing recommendation that I'm told resulted in him getting a new job, the latter happening after his months of criticizing me. He never answered about my compliments to his new employer, and I have no intention of writing to him now; I can't see what good it would do, especially if he continues to carry around such anger towards me. Being a manager is not the kind of job where you win popularity contests, but I still don't think I deserved this. And I keep wondering, since I continue to wish the guy well and bear no grudge, does that make me a nice person or a doormat? I've been trying to find the difference for years.
Seven Replies to Ketchup Packets
Steve Dunn | May 15, 2010
I'd just ignore him, forget him, have nothing to do with him, and never look back.
Steve West | May 15, 2010
You both need to move on for slightly different reasons. His need appears to be in maturity. Yours is to not let the childish acts of adults have more importance than they actually do. You're a good guy and you know it.
Steve Dunn | May 15, 2010
I've been trying to find a quote and I can't. It was some kind of ancient Eastern wisdom, like Confucius or Buddha or someone like that. Anyway, I'm paraphrasing by necessity but it was something like this: the righteous man does not desire to be admired by all men. He desires to be admired by righteous men and despised by the unrighteous.
Sometimes when people don't like you, it means you're doing something right.
Jackie Mason | May 16, 2010
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Scott Hardie | May 18, 2010
Thanks for the kind words, especially that quote. That's all on the right track. I was pretty down when I wrote this, but I felt fine by the next day.
Another former co-worker found it and brought it to management's attention. They informed me and a few other people harshly criticized. From what I hear, this angry blog is linked from his linkedin.com profile; I can't imagine how that would help him get employed.
As to being a doormat, it's been a struggle all my life, finding that line between nice and gullible. I was very strictly raised to be polite to everyone, but I internalized it to a point where my parents worried that people would take advantage of me. I was that kid who lent all his toys to his friends and never got them back. As an adult, I've gotten pretty good at holding the line when I sense it, but I still don't always realize when I'm being taken advantage of. Stuff that isn't even really related to that problem, like this angry coworker's blog, makes me wonder and worry.
Jackie Mason | May 23, 2010
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The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »
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Justin Conner | May 15, 2010
I struggled with the: "Am I a nice guy or doormat question" for a long time. I think that if your being nice to have people like you then you fall into the doormat catagory. If not, your probably an objective optimist.