Public Service Announcement
by Steve West on July 20, 2009

For those of you who will be pulled over by the police and asked the inevitable question, "Because I'm smokin' hot" is not the correct answer to "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Live and learn.
Twelve Replies to Public Service Announcement
Scott Hardie | July 20, 2009
What about the appropriate obscene slurs to drunkenly shout as you're being handcuffed? Can you help me with those?
Steve West | July 20, 2009
The following have never worked for me:
1. You're embarassing the other Village People!
2. No, YOU assume the position!
3. Don't break my crack pipe!
Jackie Mason | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Lori Lancaster | July 20, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Jackie Mason | July 21, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Steve West | July 29, 2009
In my world, when a cop gave you a ticket, every smart ass remark you made would actually reduce the fine.
Cop: You know how fast you were going?
Steve: Damn fast. I was spillin' my beer everywhere!
Cop: Nice. That's $10.00 off the fine.
Scott Hardie | July 29, 2009
Conversely, would you increase your fine by being deadly serious about the situation? Because I think Henry Louis Gates would have to take out a second mortgage.
Amy Austin | July 29, 2009
LOL!!!
Steve West | July 28, 2010
Bad responses cont'd:
A policeman pulled me over recently and during our chat he claimed that my eyes were looking a little red. Was I high on something?
I was just tired and this was partly responsible for me responding with, "Your eyes look a little glazed officer. Have you been eating donuts?"
He let me off with a warning but I swear I saw his hand reaching for the taser.
Tony Peters | July 28, 2010
I was once pulled over sweaty, half in my Gi, carrying a sword on my way home from class.....I was told that I looked nervous sweating....I told him no I haven't been drinking but if he'd like I'd be happy to cut the next drunk they found in half....the white cop was a bit freaked the half hawaiian/Japanese cop smiled and said to have a nice night and clean the sweat off my sword
I was pulled over twice last year once for 29mph in a school zone (I escaped with court costs because I was polite (it was also 20 degrees and I was on my motorcycle)) the second time was days after I bought my truck....I honestly wasn't used to driving at that point and was doing 47 in a 35 zone....however I had a veterans plate....the kind officer was more interested in knowing that the plate was mine ( I showed him my retired ID) and asking me to keep my speed less that 10 over...I don't speed anymore
Scott Hardie | September 15, 2010
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Christmas and a Lizard's Tale
One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »
I Am A Marketing Genius
Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I’m thinking of buying that 5-hour energy stuff. Brenda: Think it’ll be worth it? me: Depends on what it costs – that whole dollars to extra push-ups ratio. Go »
Halloween Short Clips
Mark Gervais created this film for Halloween to be broadcast on a home's window. If I saw this in my neighborhood, it would really creep me out and I would give the house a wide berth. Then I'd come back later and watch it a dozen times. Go »
Action Hero?
I remember back in the early '70's, my brother and I got new G.I. Joes for Christmas. They were pretty cool with the kung fu grip and "real-life hair and beard". Go »
Is This A Country Song Or What?
Playing a country song backwards, as the old joke goes, and your wife comes back, your dog is alive again, and your trucks rolls over onto its wheels. The Mickster has got it bad in Oscar week as his beloved chihuahua died in his arms. Not to make fun of what must have been a horrible event, but did he really need to display his mourning by attending a New York fashion show the very next day? Go »
Amy Austin | July 20, 2009
Seriously?