Steve's Supermarket Adventure (Cont'd)
by Steve West on November 15, 2009
...Or The Further Foibles of Ugly On a Stick
Tonight, at the Safeway, I encountered the same cashier as I do most Saturday nights. Ugly On a Stick. She recalled our previous interaction and immediately inquired about my Wonder Bra. I told her I gave it up for Lent. She got that slightly befuddled expression on her face but bravely and blindly muddled on. She typically proceeded to examine each of my items on the grocery belt. These are a few of her inane comments and my sarcastic replies:
UOAS: Is this real meat? (Round Top Steaks)
Me: As opposed to what? Fiberglass replicas? Yes it's real meat!
UOAS: (Sniffing my dryer sheets with obvious disapproval) I don't get this kind.
Me: Well I guess it's your lucky day that I'm shopping for my family.
UOAS: (Commenting on my chocolate covered cashews) These are really good.
Me: Perhaps that's why I'm buying them.
UOAS: No, I mean they're really good.
Me: You don't have to sell me on them. I'm already buying them. See? You charging me for them, me paying for them. You are a witness to capitalism at work.
UOAS: (A little cross-eyed) You went to college, didn't you?
Me: Yes, I went to college but that doesn't automatically make me a member of the bourgeoisie.
UOAS: (Eyes cross more)
Me: Effete...Pedantic...
Me: Snobby?
This happens nearly every week, folks. It's exhausting. I love this store but Giant's right around the corner.
Eleven Replies to Steve's Supermarket Adventure (Cont'd)
Matthew Preston | November 15, 2009
C'mon, admit it Steve, you have a blast interacting with UOAS. I'll bet you even waited in her line on purpose. If anything it makes for fantastic stories on TC.
Amy Austin | November 15, 2009
I hope she never quits her job... for all of our sakes.
Jackie Mason | November 15, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Aaron Shurtleff | November 15, 2009
:) I think that it is pretty obvious that you love the back and forth interaction with Ms. UOAS, but you keep deluding yourself! :)
We have a girl at Target who is pretty much the same way, honestly. People actually seem to enjoy the personal discussions! I don't know why, but they do. :)
Amy Austin | November 16, 2009
Ms. UOAS... heheh... sounds like a pageant title to me!
People's interactions these days are quite tragically limited. It's like they're all too busy... shopping or something. ;-) No wonder the local coffee shops that serve some attitude with their beverage and pastries seem to thrive! (Yes, I did almost type "pasties" -- and yes, we have both kinds of places here in Gainesville... but no pasties, I don't think. ;-\)
Steve West | November 16, 2009
I seriously do not enjoy these interactions. I get in her line because they often have only one open and she's manning it. I just want to buy my stuff and get home. I'm really borderline anti-social. I love this site and the people here because it's easy to overcome my social awkwardness with you guys. I had hopes that would spread somehow to the rest of the people I interact with but events like my Safeway misadventures only serve to reinforce how socially inept I usually am. If UOAS is really reaching out in a kindly social manner then I am truly mishandling and misinterpreting it and feel badly for her. But I think I'm not expressing clearly enough how awful her social mannerisms are. Maybe it's just my warped perception. In the meantime, I'll continue to chronicle the best (worst) of her social faux pas.
Jackie Mason | November 17, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Steve West | November 17, 2009
Thank you. I feel the same.
Jackie Mason | November 18, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Steve West | November 18, 2009
That's pretty funny. I, myself, dreamed I was being hassled by the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz and had to kick some miniature asses back into the stone age just so I could finish a cup of coffee. Weirder and weirder.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Phallic Logo Awards
Most of these fall under the "They Had To Have Noticed" category. I'll never look at another Head tennis racket quite the same way again. The winner is absolutely hilarious. Go »Shaken And Stirred Too For Good Measure
Semi-bizarre gallery devoted to people shaking their faces, having any loose skin flop around, and photographing the results. Go »What's A Zug, Anyway?
John Hargrave is an internet comedian I admire greatly. I read his stuff and laugh long and loud. The "pranks" on his site are incredibly funny. Go »Santa Claus Can Kiss My Ass
That title is almost blasphemous in the American belief system, I know. We took the girls to a local ice cream store, Coldstone's, to get ice cream and to see and get a photograph taken with Santa. It occured to me that Santa gets a lot of credit for stuff that I do and provide. Go »Homer Sings
Do-Re-Mi as sung by Homer Simpson DOh - The stuff that buys me beer. RAY - The guy that sells me beer. ME - The guy who drinks the beer. Go »
Lori Lancaster | November 15, 2009
[hidden by author request]