Steve's Supermarket Adventure (Cont'd)
by Steve West on November 15, 2009
...Or The Further Foibles of Ugly On a Stick
Tonight, at the Safeway, I encountered the same cashier as I do most Saturday nights. Ugly On a Stick. She recalled our previous interaction and immediately inquired about my Wonder Bra. I told her I gave it up for Lent. She got that slightly befuddled expression on her face but bravely and blindly muddled on. She typically proceeded to examine each of my items on the grocery belt. These are a few of her inane comments and my sarcastic replies:
UOAS: Is this real meat? (Round Top Steaks)
Me: As opposed to what? Fiberglass replicas? Yes it's real meat!
UOAS: (Sniffing my dryer sheets with obvious disapproval) I don't get this kind.
Me: Well I guess it's your lucky day that I'm shopping for my family.
UOAS: (Commenting on my chocolate covered cashews) These are really good.
Me: Perhaps that's why I'm buying them.
UOAS: No, I mean they're really good.
Me: You don't have to sell me on them. I'm already buying them. See? You charging me for them, me paying for them. You are a witness to capitalism at work.
UOAS: (A little cross-eyed) You went to college, didn't you?
Me: Yes, I went to college but that doesn't automatically make me a member of the bourgeoisie.
UOAS: (Eyes cross more)
Me: Effete...Pedantic...
Me: Snobby?
This happens nearly every week, folks. It's exhausting. I love this store but Giant's right around the corner.
Eleven Replies to Steve's Supermarket Adventure (Cont'd)
Matthew Preston | November 15, 2009
C'mon, admit it Steve, you have a blast interacting with UOAS. I'll bet you even waited in her line on purpose. If anything it makes for fantastic stories on TC.
Amy Austin | November 15, 2009
I hope she never quits her job... for all of our sakes.
Jackie Mason | November 15, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Aaron Shurtleff | November 15, 2009
:) I think that it is pretty obvious that you love the back and forth interaction with Ms. UOAS, but you keep deluding yourself! :)
We have a girl at Target who is pretty much the same way, honestly. People actually seem to enjoy the personal discussions! I don't know why, but they do. :)
Amy Austin | November 16, 2009
Ms. UOAS... heheh... sounds like a pageant title to me!
People's interactions these days are quite tragically limited. It's like they're all too busy... shopping or something. ;-) No wonder the local coffee shops that serve some attitude with their beverage and pastries seem to thrive! (Yes, I did almost type "pasties" -- and yes, we have both kinds of places here in Gainesville... but no pasties, I don't think. ;-\)
Steve West | November 16, 2009
I seriously do not enjoy these interactions. I get in her line because they often have only one open and she's manning it. I just want to buy my stuff and get home. I'm really borderline anti-social. I love this site and the people here because it's easy to overcome my social awkwardness with you guys. I had hopes that would spread somehow to the rest of the people I interact with but events like my Safeway misadventures only serve to reinforce how socially inept I usually am. If UOAS is really reaching out in a kindly social manner then I am truly mishandling and misinterpreting it and feel badly for her. But I think I'm not expressing clearly enough how awful her social mannerisms are. Maybe it's just my warped perception. In the meantime, I'll continue to chronicle the best (worst) of her social faux pas.
Jackie Mason | November 17, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Steve West | November 17, 2009
Thank you. I feel the same.
Jackie Mason | November 18, 2009
[hidden by author request]
Steve West | November 18, 2009
That's pretty funny. I, myself, dreamed I was being hassled by the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz and had to kick some miniature asses back into the stone age just so I could finish a cup of coffee. Weirder and weirder.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
It's 419, Do You Know Where Your Dealer Is?
It's the eve of 420 and you don't have to be high to enjoy the following links, but it couldn't hurt. When this clock goes into production, it will be featured in my den. Smart dog or dumb dog? Go »We Were That Close
Brenda and I looked at a house a few days ago and were very charmed by it. It was a ranch style home with four bedrooms, a large fenced yard and was selling at a reasonable price. Brenda was a little unsure of the size of the bedrooms but agreed to go back and specifically measure them with a tape measure and if they met her minimum standards, she would agree to make an offer for the house. Go »Baby Boomer Blues
I overheard someone of my generation (born in the early 60's) recently say, "Kids today don't even know how to write in cursive," in a negative way. That statement got grumbled agreement from the codgers nearby. I was thinking without saying out loud, "Grandma, you can't even turn on your laptop without getting six viruses and wiring half your retirement money to a Nigerian Prince." Go »Mythbusters Or Bust
Every Mythbusters myth on one page. Organized by "confirmed", "busted", or "partial" - 308 up to this point. Indispensible reference if you're into this show, moderately interesting for those of us without cable. Go »What The Hell Is An Egg Roll Anyway?
Outside of a chinese restaurant I had never encountered an Easter egg roll before. We managed to become the recipients of four tickets to this year's White House Easter Egg Roll. We were not there to witness the President's participation as we were in the last of three groups and he presented himself to the first. Go »
Lori Lancaster | November 15, 2009
[hidden by author request]