Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, “Surely I can’t look that old?”
I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy from way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm…or could he????
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Surrattsville Senior High School.
“Yes, yes, I did! I’m a Hornet,” he gleamed with pride.
“When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “In 1979. Why do you ask?”
“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then that ugly, old, wrinkled sumbitch asked, “What did you teach?”


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Passion

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I've been thinking about our love life lately. Brenda: Have you been drinking? me: I think the best comparison would be to the cockroach. Go »

Technically We're Both Right

Recent encounter at my local deli: Me: (signaling my server) Excuse me, this is an egg salad sandwich. Server: Yes, bon appétit. Me: But I ordered a chicken salad sandwich. Go »

The Bus Stops Here

In Slapshot, Paul Newman encourages the minor league hockey team he captains to play like goons. The team begins to have some success and the driver of the team bus joins in the spirit of gooniness. Paul Newman approaches him while he is proceeding to smack the exterior of the bus with a sledge hammer and inquires as to what he is doing. Go »

Happy Halloween

Back when I was about ten, I went trick or treating as a witch doctor. I got to a house that I didn't know who lived there and was greeted by a kindly looking old lady. When I routinely and without much enthusiaism stated, "Trick or treat," she responded by handing me a piece of religious literature. Go »

If I Were To Make A Children's Show...

...it would be similar to this promo for The Crime Channel featuring Gali the Alligator. The lyrics are a little hard to understand so I've attempted to transcribe them here. Go »

I'll Have The Misogyny Au Gratin, Please

We were having dinner with my nephew the other night and the conversation steered toward his numerous relationships. He replied with that standard chauvinistic response, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" My wife looked at him directly and retorted, "Yeah, why buy the whole pig for just a little sausage?" Go »