Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals...
by Steve West on February 26, 2010
... another encounter with Ugly On A Stick.
I had no idea she was even there until she went out of her way to shout, 'HiiiIIIiiiii' from an aisle away. It took me a few seconds to recognize that she was directing this towards me. I politely nodded back in her direction (always the gentleman) but initiated an avoidance maneuver by taking a hard left down the juice aisle. Avoiding is only delayed since she has the only register open for those of us with more than 10 items. It went something like this:
UOAS: Vegetable crackers? I mean, vegetables are actually in the crackers? That seems kinda lazy.
Me: Actually it's efficient. And I'm told they're brain food.
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah, my daughter eats them all the time. Eight years old and she reads Proust at bedtime.
UOAS (eyeing the small amount of grapes I chose): That's not a lot of grapes. Doesn't seem worth it.
Me: Actually, if my daughter eats too many she gets flatulent.
UOAS: What's flatulent?
Me: Cranky.
UOAS: Yeah, I get flatulent after a long shift.
Me: I have no doubt.
UOAS (Eyeing my coupons): I don't use coupons. It's too hard to keep straight how many items I have to buy to use them and I keep forgetting the expiration dates.
Me: I recommend the vegetable crackers.
So, shopping on Fridays goes on the same blacklist as Saturdays. Forewarned is forearmed as the quote goes.
Three Replies to Weekend Grocery Shopping Equals...
Scott Hardie | February 27, 2010
If shitmydadsays can become a sitcom, I'm sure this series can too. Good stuff.
Lori Lancaster | March 3, 2010
[hidden by author request]
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Housebuying Stuff
I'm too tired to come up with a more clever title. New carpet installed. New bathtub and shower installed. Go »Dumb Criminals And Other Court Type Stuff Part 3
Another small collection of weird legal matters. Yeah research, that's the ticket; Too manly for the ladies' room; Chi-tonw blues; Cat's got yer what?; and finally, I have no idea what it's like to be busted for DUI, taken for mugshots wearing a shirt displaying my love for midget sex, and then being forever haunted by that image surfacing on the internet, but I know who to ask. Go »Commercial Parodies
I've heard the phrase, "Yeah, that's when Saturday Night Live was funny." It's always been funny to me. Here are 18 clips of their best commercial parodies including Colon Blow cereal, Taco Town, and Homocil. Go »Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues
Weekly shopping or as it has become, my weekly stroll through Satan's marketplace. I consciously avoided UOAS's line and since there were only two lines, chose the one next door. Let's call this one Slightly Less Ugly On A Stick. Go »Christmas Post #21: Christmas Songs
Spinner.com submitted their list of the 12 best Christmas songs. Songs, not carols. Go »
Matthew Preston | February 27, 2010
LOL, and I don't use that acronym very often. I just bust out laughing at this post Steve to which my wife called out from downstairs, "What's so funny?!"