This is more like Weight-Gain Wednesday after a week and a half with Kelly, bouncing around Sarasota restaurants and Disney World. No matter how many thousands of calories I burned walking around that theme park for three days, I'm sure I consumed twice as many, and that was just in fudge from the Main Street Confectionery.

Now that I'm back and I've done some very scientific research – asking a friend whether she hated one – I have chosen NutriSystem over Medifast as the exclusive supplier of my every meal. 1) They don't have shakes. You know, like Slim Fast? Those shakes are unholy. 2) They provide my every meal, instead of leaving me on my own for dinner. Sure, I can fix a sensible dinner. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. 3) Their website doesn't annoy me. Call it professional training. 4) You can choose your own menu from the options available. Goodbye split pea soup, hello chocolate peanut-butter bar. 5) Dan Marino lost 22 lbs, and now he looks like *I* could beat him up.

I fired Dr. Can't and passed on the echocardiograph test that he booked for me. I keep taking painful, expensive tests and he keeps telling me that my heart is fine, so enough already. Let's get to what's actually wrong with me. The only thing I have left to fear is winding up in the hospital any time soon and having to sit through his icy disposition again, more so now that he's fired. Hey, it's more incentive to lose weight.


One Reply to WGW: If It's Good Enough for Dan Marino, It's Good Enough for Me

Jackie Mason | January 11, 2008
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Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

My Dinner with Amy

Nice to meet you, old friend. Go »

Downtown Disney

My mom's birthday present to me was a mini-vacation in Orlando, since we're too broke to take a real vacation. We weighed the options for a few days, theme parks vs small local attractions, and settled on something we had wanted to do for years, DisneyQuest and some of the Downtown Disney complex around it. I knew DisneyQuest had a lot of motion-simulator and interactive video games, but I didn't realize that the entire 5-story building is just one giant video arcade. Go »

Game Over

On paper, Game Over doesn't look promising: A vulgar, video-game-themed cartoon series on UPN that only lasted five episodes. But I rented it anyway, and somehow it managed to be entertaining and smarter than it needed to be, but maybe that was just the low expectations kicking in. I think the key to the show is that it actually respected its characters and cared for them as a family unit, instead of using them as empty vessels for punchlines (latter-year The SImpsons) or treating them with unmistakable contempt (Family Guy). Go »

Crash

Some days are so bad, you feel like you've been the only driver in a demolition derby without a car. Go »

Sarasota

Aaron Weiss likes taking pictures with his spiffy new camera – go figure – and yesterday he captured this beautiful panoramic shot of part of downtown Sarasota. This is why I live here. [I compressed his version for filesize, which caused the pixelization in the sky.] Go »

R.I.P. Mom

You were so still in your bed when I could finally sit down beside you, a few hours after the facility notified me that you had died. I hadn't seen you be that peaceful in years, your eyes not scanning the room for clues, your hands not turning over each object in front of you for endlessly repeated examination. I whispered to you the most urgent and most precious things I had to say, the secrets and atonements and wishes foremost on my mind. Go »