This is more like Weight-Gain Wednesday after a week and a half with Kelly, bouncing around Sarasota restaurants and Disney World. No matter how many thousands of calories I burned walking around that theme park for three days, I'm sure I consumed twice as many, and that was just in fudge from the Main Street Confectionery.

Now that I'm back and I've done some very scientific research – asking a friend whether she hated one – I have chosen NutriSystem over Medifast as the exclusive supplier of my every meal. 1) They don't have shakes. You know, like Slim Fast? Those shakes are unholy. 2) They provide my every meal, instead of leaving me on my own for dinner. Sure, I can fix a sensible dinner. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. 3) Their website doesn't annoy me. Call it professional training. 4) You can choose your own menu from the options available. Goodbye split pea soup, hello chocolate peanut-butter bar. 5) Dan Marino lost 22 lbs, and now he looks like *I* could beat him up.

I fired Dr. Can't and passed on the echocardiograph test that he booked for me. I keep taking painful, expensive tests and he keeps telling me that my heart is fine, so enough already. Let's get to what's actually wrong with me. The only thing I have left to fear is winding up in the hospital any time soon and having to sit through his icy disposition again, more so now that he's fired. Hey, it's more incentive to lose weight.


One Reply to WGW: If It's Good Enough for Dan Marino, It's Good Enough for Me

Jackie Mason | January 11, 2008
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Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Snowbound

I'm off to Springfield for the weekend to help Kelly move. YAY SNOW. Back late Monday night. Go »

Rethinking Forrest Gump

Inspired by a conversation this past weekend, I've been thinking about the once-popular movie Forrest Gump. It has fallen out of favor with people who prefer its contemporaries Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption and believe it robbed them of Oscars, but to me all three films are good. Gump succeeds because of a lot of factors, but consider its acting and its visual effects. Go »

Garfunkel and Oates

Kelly and I had a good time last night taking out two old friends for their birthdays to see Garfunkel and Oates in Tampa. I'm only familiar with the duo's songs, so it was refreshing that only maybe a third of the show consisted of music. The rest was stand up comedy, storytelling, audience interaction, and a weird extended commercial for their sponsor Monster Energy Drink, tall boys of which were being handed out for free, because that's just what my heart needs at ten o'clock at night. Go »

White Christmas

We're enjoying our winter vacation in central Illinois so far. Tue 12/22 - When you're hitting the road for your vacation right after work is over, every extra minute feels like an hour, which means I did 45 hours of overtime. The drive was easier than we thought, probably because we had days to prepare this time. Go »

WLW: The First 30

Since we're still putting off NutriSystem until our bank accounts recover from the move, Kelly and I have been focusing on exercise instead. So far it's mostly a lap around the apartment complex a few nights a week, saying hi to underdressed strangers walking their dogs. Last weekend we tried the mall. Go »

March 14, 1977

I hope this doesn't set a precedent for doing this on everybody's 30th birthday, or I'm going to be busy writing these for the next few years... Top Ten Reasons Denise Sawicki is Awesome 10) She wore red on her wedding day, and she looked good. 9) She doesn't just send the DVD as a surprise birthday gift. Go »