This is more like Weight-Gain Wednesday after a week and a half with Kelly, bouncing around Sarasota restaurants and Disney World. No matter how many thousands of calories I burned walking around that theme park for three days, I'm sure I consumed twice as many, and that was just in fudge from the Main Street Confectionery.

Now that I'm back and I've done some very scientific research – asking a friend whether she hated one – I have chosen NutriSystem over Medifast as the exclusive supplier of my every meal. 1) They don't have shakes. You know, like Slim Fast? Those shakes are unholy. 2) They provide my every meal, instead of leaving me on my own for dinner. Sure, I can fix a sensible dinner. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. 3) Their website doesn't annoy me. Call it professional training. 4) You can choose your own menu from the options available. Goodbye split pea soup, hello chocolate peanut-butter bar. 5) Dan Marino lost 22 lbs, and now he looks like *I* could beat him up.

I fired Dr. Can't and passed on the echocardiograph test that he booked for me. I keep taking painful, expensive tests and he keeps telling me that my heart is fine, so enough already. Let's get to what's actually wrong with me. The only thing I have left to fear is winding up in the hospital any time soon and having to sit through his icy disposition again, more so now that he's fired. Hey, it's more incentive to lose weight.


One Reply to WGW: If It's Good Enough for Dan Marino, It's Good Enough for Me

Jackie Mason | January 11, 2008
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Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Scooter

Headline: Bush Commutes Libby's Prison Sentence Yeah, there are complicated legal and political factors involved, but to the average citizen (me) it reads like "President's friend gets out of jail free." Man, I gotta track down George's MySpace and add him as a friend. Go »

The Revised Revised Revised Story

Last spring, This Modern World ran a great parody charting the decline of civil liberties in recent years, after the then-shocking revelation that the government was building a database of every call made in the country: (link) I was reminded of that over the weekend as the latest shocking revelation came out, that the FBI has vastly abused its new ability to request confidential information in the interest of national security (link), almost as if it was the next panel in the strip. Except I'm not laughing. Oh, what I'd have given to be the reporter at Alberto Gonzales's press conference this morning. Go »

Things You Realize at the Top of a 40-Story Ferris Wheel

Kelly and I just got back from a two-day getaway to Orlando to celebrate our anniversary. No theme parks; we've been to them many times and they're jammed with people right now anyway. We tried small local attractions instead. Go »

Grievances

I haven't written about my life in this blog for a while because I haven't liked to think about the state of my life. Things could always be worse, but I still don't feel much optimism these days. - We're being pinched by the economy. Go »

Doppelgänger

I saw myself at the grocery. Tall, fat, shaved head, black collared shirt, black slacks, black leather shoes. I caught up to myself and muttered "I like the look" with a wink, and myself smiled, then myself's girlfriend saw us together and laughed. Go »

Without Teeth

Turns out I'm not the only one in this household in need of medical attention. I took my cat to the vet for an eye infection, wound up getting her a $500 physical since she's overdue, and the doctor wants to pull her teeth in a few weeks for another $400. He says her teeth and gums are impossibly infected and there's nothing else that can be done now. Go »