Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues
by Steve West on December 7, 2009
Weekly shopping or as it has become, my weekly stroll through Satan's marketplace. I consciously avoided UOAS's line and since there were only two lines, chose the one next door. Let's call this one Slightly Less Ugly On A Stick. They seem to have been bred in the same cashier cloning factory. UOAS had no customers so she drifted over to chat with SLUOAS. In between bouts of adolescent blather (seems SLUOAS is being stalked by that pathetic Raymond who came by to see SLUOAS while she was on break), UOAS was making casual observations, again, on my purchases. And before anyone suggests, she did not come over to engage me specifically in any conversation, the majority of her time was spent trying to convince SLUOAS that her hair extensions needed replacing (every three thousand miles, you know).
UOAS (spotting my Christmas cards): Oh, what are you getting your wife for Christmas?
Me: A gift certificate for Prozac.
UOAS: You're getting a new grill brush now?
SLUOAS: Yeah, who grills in this weather.
Me: I don't grill outside. (twin tilted head expressions of confusion) I grill in the basement. I stick the grill in the fireplace and all the smoke goes up the chimney.
Just for the record, I grill outside in the snow and rain because it's not snowing or raining inside the grill. Jeez, twenty seconds to flip the meat and I'm back inside.
UOAS: (Commenting on my choice of coffee - a sacred violation) You know, the decaf stuff tastes just as good and it's so much better for you.
Me: (Pausing for SLUOAS to add idiotic sidebar - she had nothin') Oh, it'd probably be a bad thing to interrupt my caffeine stream.
Now there's two of them.
One Reply to Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Stay-cation Week III
Leave it to Amy to call it what it is. She's 100% right so far but wait till Friday. Today's schedule was a little tight because we used up the morning clothes shopping for school. Go »Such As It Is...
Best stuff I found this week. Cowbell Hero - since I've mastered Guitar Hero. Rock star mug shots. Go »(Insert Movie Title)...in 30 seconds Re-Enacted By Bunnies
Not a new site at all but one I hope everyone will enjoy if you haven't already. If you've seen it before, hope you'll find something new. Very clever re-enactments if only for the editorial difficulty in condensing a film down to 30 seconds. Go »She Obviously Wants To Outsource
Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: After getting a new toilet, I'm seriously in the mood for a new bathroom. me: Oh, really. Brenda: Yes, really. Go »Unlike Burger King, Special Orders Upset Us
Recent conversation with Brenda. Brenda: Feel like Subway for lunch? me: Only if I get a foot-long sandwich that's actually 12 inches long. Go »
Jackie Mason | December 12, 2009
[hidden by author request]