Two Obnoxoius Teenage SubCultures
by Adrianne Rodgers on August 18, 2006
Goths vs. Emos...this isn't going to win me any friends in the high school set....
First, some defintions for those of you not in the know. Since neither group can settle on a definition for themselves, it's up to me to come up with some.
Goth: Yes, we've all seen these kids. Mascara, eyeliner, black clothes torn in ways that would've made you or me throw the articles out a long time ago. To me, the goth kids on South Park are the funniest characters, because they're exactly like every goth I've ever known. It's required, by law, that all goths write terrible poetry, consisting of the words "Dark," "night," "pain," and "sorrow" repeated at least a dozen times throughout the poem. They all drink coffee, never have a job above minimum wage, and must smoke clove cigarettes. Their music consists of someone wailing what sounds like an obscure Gaelic chant but is really just the words "Ha ha suckers" played backwards over church pipes. The saddest thing about goths is that most of them don't realize that they are, in fact, nerds. Most goth kids enjoy playing table top games (particularly Vampire: The Masquerade), and love to role play. How do you know? Because they love to pretend like they're vampires. They go out and buy all of the little accessories, they show them off to their friends, and they go to parties with other people dressed that way. All one needs to do is throw in a set of d20's, and you've got yourself a game of Dungeons and Dragons.
Emo: These are the kids who are too "rebellious" to be preppy but not "rebellious" enough to be goth. Why do I put rebellious in quotation marks? Because these kids are rebellious in the sense that they DON'T eat their dinner on time, they come home at 11:30 instead of 11 (take that authority!), and they'll spend their allowance on whatever they feel like, darn it. All emo kids must have either a MySpace or a Livejournal blog in which they talk about how nobody understands them. They delight in going into stores and restaurants, making jerks of themselves, then griping in their blogs about how nobody understands them and how everyone over 30 has sold out. They have to wear thier hair in the most ridiculous style possible. They only listen to bands whose band names sound like sentences...My Heart Bleeds Eternal, Plums Deify, Pain Upon Landing (I made up all 3 of those names but I would not be surprised if they were actual emo bands). Fortunately, emo kids do tend to grow out of this phase by the time they hit 25 or so and they realize that their whole "I'm too deep for you to get, plebian" act doesn't really fly in the real world.
On the whole, emo kids are more obnoxious than goth kids. Why? Because you can spot a goth a mile away...emo kids can sneak up on you. You think you're having a normal conversation and then bam! They're discussing how they have a suicide pact with their best friend if neither of them get A's on their science project.
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