UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

What's A Zug, Anyway?

John Hargrave is an internet comedian I admire greatly. I read his stuff and laugh long and loud. The "pranks" on his site are incredibly funny. Go »

The Bus Stops Here

In Slapshot, Paul Newman encourages the minor league hockey team he captains to play like goons. The team begins to have some success and the driver of the team bus joins in the spirit of gooniness. Paul Newman approaches him while he is proceeding to smack the exterior of the bus with a sledge hammer and inquires as to what he is doing. Go »

Have I Mentioned How Much I Love My Wife?

I got a surprise visit from Amy Austin today. She was passing through Maryland on her way to Florida and took the time to call me from the road. I was thrilled that she thought of me being in the area and invited her to visit for what could only be a brief visit. Go »

Action Hero?

I remember back in the early '70's, my brother and I got new G.I. Joes for Christmas. They were pretty cool with the kung fu grip and "real-life hair and beard". Go »

My Faith in Humanity is Restored

This is a true story I saw on a travel blog website. Late one night, a woman and her husband received the tragic news that their three-year-old grandson in Denver had been murdered by their daughter’s live-in boyfriend. The boy was being taken off life support at 9 o’clock that evening and his parents opted for organ donation which would take place immediately upon his passing. Go »

Phallic Logo Awards

Most of these fall under the "They Had To Have Noticed" category. I'll never look at another Head tennis racket quite the same way again. The winner is absolutely hilarious. Go »