UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Lost in Translation

Some ad slogans that had hilarious results when translated into other languages for international marketing. Go »

Christmas Post #17: Gadgets &Stuff

Cool collection of unusual stuff that would make memorable gifts. I swear I'd love to get my wife that toaster but I've heard too many horror stories of what happens to husbands who purchase appliances for their wives for Christmas. Think I'll wait for Valentine's Day. Go »

Cartoon Nostalgia

Anybody else remember The Mighty Heroes? How about The Wacky Races or Hong Kong Phooey? Alright, how about Super Chicken or Go Go Gophers? Go »

The Peak of Stupidity

By far, the stupidest thing I ever did was at my brother's bachelor party almost 40 years ago. The memory of it still haunts me. A group of his friends (around 25 - I knew some, but we had gone separate paths shortly after High School) met at the house of one his construction co-workers in the Maryland countryside. Go »

Accidents Happen But This Is Ridiculous

You know, I've accidentally glued various parts of my body to odd things before. I glued my shirt to my stomach, once. But this guy takes the glue cake. Go »

I Am A Marketing Genius

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I’m thinking of buying that 5-hour energy stuff. Brenda: Think it’ll be worth it? me: Depends on what it costs – that whole dollars to extra push-ups ratio. Go »