Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
These People Really Hate Tomatoes
Random quote: "I accedentially (sic) ate a cherry tomato in my salad once,and now I worship satan." I personally like tomatoes and find it incredible that anyone can have such passion in either direction; love or hate. About tomatoes, I mean. Go »Cool Kleenex Dispensers
My daughter brings crafts home from school. I'm sending her teacher a picture of this Easter Island-ish tissue dispenser for their next craft project. Hey, they can learn about Easter Island and the Moai statues. Go »Out of the Closet and into the Stratosphere
So Tom Cruise wants to go into outer space and meet aliens. I think I can scrounge together a few bucks for a one-way ticket. Any other takers? Go »7-Eleven's Legacy
Aside from selling lottery tickets, 7-Eleven stores are recognizable by two products; Slurpees and Big Gulps. All, I mean all, of their food products should have E. Coli warnings on them and an ingredients list that says "some kind of meat, we think". Go »Have a Nice Day!
I'd like to get a part-time job now that I'm retired but can't seem to find any long-lasting energy (Damn MS!). Brenda suggested being a Wal-Mart greeter. "That doesn't take a lot of energy," she remarked. Go »
