UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Who Needs a Karate Ghi?

Have you ever been in a position where you've had to choose between designer jeans or practicing jujutsu? Now your problems have been solved! You can have both. Go »

Insanity is Relative

Recent conversation with Brenda. Me: You know those signs that say 'Keep Off the Grass'? Brenda: Of course. Go »

Who Edits Wikipedia?

Without trying to seem overly paranoid, I've always been just a little suspicious of Wikipedia entries since they can be easily manipulated. A student has created a program that tracks just who is making changes to Wikipedia; adding exaggerated claims or deleting sections with negative connotations. Go »

What Are We Gonna Do? Road Trip.

A brand new drug has come onto the market that is touted as being a treatment for autism. It's a homeopathic drug called Respen-A. It affects the malfunctioning areas of the brain typically associated with autistic children. Go »

Adios Por Ahora

So I've dragged my old college spanish texts off the shelf trying to prep for my trip to Spain. Four days in Barcelona and 2 days in Madrid. I should see plenty of the Mediterranean in Barcelona with temperatures in the low eighties the entire time. Go »

I'll Have The Misogyny Au Gratin, Please

We were having dinner with my nephew the other night and the conversation steered toward his numerous relationships. He replied with that standard chauvinistic response, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" My wife looked at him directly and retorted, "Yeah, why buy the whole pig for just a little sausage?" Go »