UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Beware Of Delaware

I'm off to vacation in the Eastern Hinterland, the wondrous first state of Delaware. I have friends there we are visiting and will be staying for the weekend. The only advantage to being there are a few Atlantic beaches and of course, tax-free shopping. Go »

Christmas Post #19: More Weird Plushies

First came The Godfather horsehead pillow; next came virus plush toys; now there's road kill. Yes, nothing says warmth and comfort like road pizza cat although I'm a little disappointed that none of them appear to be the scratch-and-sniff variety. Go »

Asking For A Friend

Have you ever created an amazing Excel spreadsheet, but then been disappointed because almost none of your family or friends cared? 8) Go »

Phallic Logo Awards

Most of these fall under the "They Had To Have Noticed" category. I'll never look at another Head tennis racket quite the same way again. The winner is absolutely hilarious. Go »

Cool Kleenex Dispensers

My daughter brings crafts home from school. I'm sending her teacher a picture of this Easter Island-ish tissue dispenser for their next craft project. Hey, they can learn about Easter Island and the Moai statues. Go »

Halloween Short Clips

Mark Gervais created this film for Halloween to be broadcast on a home's window. If I saw this in my neighborhood, it would really creep me out and I would give the house a wide berth. Then I'd come back later and watch it a dozen times. Go »