UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

The Cause And The Cure For The Munchies

So, you're an executive pothead sitting around the confernce room table with all the stoner VP's. The discussion centers on marketing a product that, while overtly illegal, has such an upside in monopolizing the market and growth potential. And whose turn is it to change the bong water, anyway? Go »

What's For Dinner?

After 22 years of marriage, I've discovered that when two people love each other, nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat. Go »

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk

Vacation Tip #1: A 10,000 square foot, 3 level museum has opened in Springhouse, Pennsylvania devoted to The Three Stooges. Who knew you could assemble this much Three Stooges memorabilia? Then again, why not? Go »

Blue is the Hue

We (Brenda, Lauren and me) just returned from the Kennedy Center where we saw the Blue Man Group. This was Lauren's birthday gift - her birthday was in May and that's when we ordered tickets, but the show wasn't until today. It was worth every cent, and I envy Scott who lives semi-close to their permanent theater in Orlando. Go »

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Because it's Iran Defense Week, their military was on parade to show their strength. Ahmadinejad claimed there were no gay men in the country. Perhaps, but a lot of them resemble Lady Gaga (Scoopy joke). Go »

Christmas Post #16: A Hillbilly Christmas

My father was born and raised in North Carolina. Throughout my childhood we would make the summer trek to my Granny and Grandpaw's house in the middle of the state. Many a summer night passed listening to roosters (they crow all friggin' night), the occasional gator grunt, and my hillbilly cousins fart and scratch while playing cards. Go »