Sages And Fools
by Steve West on April 25, 2010
UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.
UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?
UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.
UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.
I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Things Remembered
When I was in kindergarten, a girl brought a doll to class. It was so pretty that even the boys liked it. Everyone played with it but I was the one who broke it. Go »Carnivores R Us
Someone in my neighborhood added his own sign to a nearby STOP sign which implored people to become vegetarian by adding "eating animals". Rather than tear off his sign, I added my own which read "without steak sauce". Go »End Of The Year Post 2007
Some of the most interesting Year In Perspective lists I found. Top Ten News Stories. Top 5 Fails. Go »Oprah Is Immortal
I was talking to Brenda about weight recently - about how hers is creeping up and mine is creeping down. I ran across this article afterwards and showed it to her as a peace offering (man that skillet to the skull really hurts!) Thigh size has been connected to a predilection for heart disease. Go »Thanksgiving Memories
This year, as I stood with my nephew staring at the turkey carcass following its carving, I shared with him an anecdote about Thanksgiving when I was his age. I grew up in a fairly poor household but we always had turkey for the holiday. But it was a bit of an extravagance for us so my mother was committed to getting everything the bird had to offer. Go »
