UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Let Loose The Pigeons!

I got a phone call today from my Service Coordinator of Prince George's County officially welcoming me and my daughter, Olivia, into the Autism Waiver program - a state funded program intended for families with an autistic child offering funds for state approved services such as Aqua therapy, Occupational community trips, Speech therapy and even respite for Brenda and I. This has been a nine year wait since getting a diagnosis for Olivia at age 2. The waiting list is horrific. Go »

Japanese Terebi Game Shows 2

Sometimes clever but usually hilarious clips from one particularly wacky game show. Human Tetris I; Human Tetris II; Human Tetris III. Go »

Halloween Is For The Cats

Lest our feline readers feel left out, follow the links to some pretty cool costumed cats. They really look a lot more regal than their canine counterparts. Satan's kitty Earl, the cross-eyed cowboy kitty I am Me-owl from Krypton There isn't any garlic in that catnip, is there? Go »

I Am A Marketing Genius

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I’m thinking of buying that 5-hour energy stuff. Brenda: Think it’ll be worth it? me: Depends on what it costs – that whole dollars to extra push-ups ratio. Go »

Not All Heroes Wear Capes

At 11:00 a.m., Brenda called me from the school where she works and told me that she had fallen and was unable to drive home. She needed me to 1) find a second driver for her car, 2) come get her and take her to urgent care and 3) make sure that Olivia is taken care of when she arrives home in an hour. Go »

Vacation 2010

We took a real vacation this year albeit the travel was not a great distance. We packed up and went to Williamsburg, Va. It's a three-pronged vacation place that includes Busch Gardens amusement park, Water Country, USA and Colonial Williamsburg itself. Go »