UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

It's Still Rock and Roll To Me

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I heard a song on the radio on the ride home today and found myself returning to the 70's. Brenda: Like you ever left. me: Be that as it may, I was bobbing my head to Journey's Lovin, Touchin', Squeezin'. Go »

How Much For A Pint, Mate?

I always wondered why Billy Joel was so depressed about Allentown. $10 for a beer?! I don't know how accurate this site is but some of the numbers stretch credulity. Go »

Love Letter and Goodbye

I had a very strange thing happen to me this morning. Overnight, I had a dream that featured my ex-wife, Betsy. I told Brenda about it and wondered what the image of Betsy represented in my subconscious that made me wake with such a clear image of her. Go »

Where's Joe The Plumber When I Need Him?

Screw plumbing! This is friggin' ridiculous. When the toilet in my bedroom bath developed a leak, I assured my wife it was a simple repair to replace the fill valve. Go »

Christmas Post #19: More Weird Plushies

First came The Godfather horsehead pillow; next came virus plush toys; now there's road kill. Yes, nothing says warmth and comfort like road pizza cat although I'm a little disappointed that none of them appear to be the scratch-and-sniff variety. Go »

And No Need for Anaesthesia

Recent conversation with Brenda: me: I've decided that I'm not going to play that "got your nose" game with our grandkids. Brenda: Oh, really? me: Yeah, I'm going to play "got your appendix" instead. Go »