UOAS has been wonderfully absent from the grocery for the last month. Paradise only lasts so long, however.

UOAS: (Eyeing the 3 lbs of sirloins on sweet sale) That's a lot of steaks, having a barbecue?
Me: No, those are for the neighbor's dog. It's his birthday. I'll probably grill 'em first.
UOAS: That's pretty generous!
Me: They're pretty good neighbors. My only dilemma is which sauce to serve with the roasted vegetables. I'm thinking of going with the vodka sauce. Too much?

UOAS: (Seeing the large bag of Reese's Pieces) E.T. loves these, I hear.
Me: Yeah, it's a well-known fact that aliens are allergic to chocolate. If any of your neighbors claim to be allergic to chocolate, I would ask to see their green card. I have INS on speed dial, myself.

UOAS: (Commenting on my browsing through a Golf Magazine) You golf?
Me: Yeah. I shot a 78 yesterday.
UOAS: That's pretty impressive.
Me: Yeah, the second hole was almost as good. I probably should learn to take a drop when a ball goes in the lake.
UOAS: You lost a bunch of balls in the lake?
Me: Yeah, I finally got a lucky bounce off the fountain in the middle and it caromed onto the green. I took an 80 on that one.

I think she's finally starting to get suspicious regarding the veracity of what I say.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

My Second Dad

Earlier this week, I lost my father-in-law to lung cancer. He was a beautiful man who welcomed me into his family after marrying his oldest daughter. Family isn’t always blood. Go »

The Five Stages Of Patriots Grief

The Giants are the greatest 10-6 team of all time! Go »

Ahnuld's Dog, Heinrich

"Heel, Heinrich!", commands the Governator. "Kiss my grossly over-developed ass," snarls Heinrich in return. Go »

Weekly Round-up

Best stuff I found this week. Video of the week 1: Snow White/Reservoir Dogs mash-up. My new work hat. Go »

Homecoming

Brenda and I went to closing for our new house today. Everything went smoothly and an hour and a half later I left with the keys in my pocket. We're moving this weekend so I'll be a little scarce here. Go »

This Year Goes to 11 contd.

What do the following people have in common? Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Wayne Gretzky, Melissa Etheridge, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez, Marilyn Milian, George Clooney, Michael J. Fox, Kim Deal, Boy George, Forest Whitaker, Barack Obama, Susan Olsen, Wynton Marsalis, Heather Locklear, Meg Ryan, Ann Coulter, and Steve West. Go »