Aaaah!

Scott Hardie | August 4, 2001
For the past three days, I've had the "Goodrich Quality Theaters" music in my head. You can hear it while you're waiting for the movie to start at the Willow Knolls theater in Peoria or the Randall 16 theater in Batavia.

All movie theaters have some kind of intro (AMC's is pleasantly brief), but Goodrich has one that is two minutes and fifty-three seconds long. These days, it's even longer, because they interrupt it halfway through to run an ad for Pepsi or Mountain Dew. If you go to as many movies as I do, you probably know most of it by heart. The camera rolls through a series of round doorways and pauses at each chamber for a new phrase to appear. The same fucking, fucking, fucking annoying music plays every goddamned time, with the epic-sounding six notes in a downward scale and the lame-ass bass and percussion underneath, and that weird futuristic beeping warble going on in the background.

My brain has finally snapped, and it will not play anything but that fucking music. It sometimes lets up long enough for me to have a conversation or watch another movie or whatever, but soon it goes right back into it. It sometimes gets to the end of the presentation, where the "Goodrich Quality Theaters" logo explodes in the twinkling white and pink starlights, but then it immediately starts back up again. Make it stop! I can't take it any more! If I never hear that fucking music again I'll be a happy man.