Paradise Lost

Scott Hardie | May 21, 2016
Five years ago today, I announced that the original Rock Block was being converted into Pirate Paradise. It was part of a then-secret plan to turn this website into a business: I needed a wholly original game that wouldn't get me in trouble with copyright attorneys. I eventually abandoned that failing plan, which is why Rock Block was able to return, as I'm only using that content for personal use.

Pirate Paradise had its merits, but it never really took off in popularity the way that Rock Block did. The tournaments were probably the most fun part: Steve Dunn reached the pinnacle of the Beginner Brackets, Aaron Shurtleff turned out to have the Luck of the Draw, I successfully pursued the Captain's Quarry, and in the most elaborate tournament this website has ever seen in any game, Matthew Preston overcame the Wrath of Circe.

I had a great time making and playing those events, and I know other members of the site enjoyed them too, but those good times are part of the site's past, not its present. No one has played Pirate Paradise since November 2015, and participation had been anemic for a year or two prior to that. I myself haven't played since February 2015 and it's my own game. Because you can only challenge active members to a battle and there are no active members, if you go to the challenge form right now, it's virtually impossible to start playing again, so there's little possibility for the game to become active again.

For a while, I was content to let Pirate Paradise sit there unplayed. After all, it wasn't taking up any of my time to maintain, and if it had even the slightest chance of luring in some new member of the site who stumbled upon it, then I'd be glad it was there. But the longer it sits there like a ghost town, the more I think it's a detriment to the site instead of an asset. Its complete lack of participation is a glaring reminder that Funeratic remains stuck in a mire of low attendance and limited participation. Rather than being an advertisement for the site, it's more like an advertisement for how dead this site feels today, compared to its past. If an amusement park had an entire section that no one visited, even if it cost very little to keep it running, they'd definitely shutter it, because its presence is bad for business overall.

I've recently been working quietly behind the scenes to clean up and remove some old code and old data that hasn't been used in a long time (there's still some old inactive code in here from 2005!), in the interest of making Funeratic better organized and more streamlined and more focused on what parts work well today. Naturally, I'm giving thought to what front-end changes I can make toward the same ends. Bidding farewell to Pirate Paradise is the biggest such improvement I can make.

Pirate Paradise will be discontinued on June 4, two weeks from now. Until that time comes, you can continue to browse the content, and to play a few last battles against other players. Of course, you'll have to reactivate yourself for anyone to challenge you: Submit any form in PP to reactivate yourself, such as the "Manage Your Ship" form at the bottom of My Crew. Once at least one other player is active, use the Challenge form to start a battle. I don't know that at least two players will bother, so it might be moot.

The fact that the game eventually fizzled out doesn't mean that I don't have some fond memories of its early days. Devising new play rules that deviated from Rock Block's was a pleasure. Working with that treasure-hunter/exotic-explorer page design was a pleasure. I liked the clever pirate names and ship names that players devised, and the wild turns that the tournaments took. I'll continue to remember all of that with a smile. Thanks for the good times, Pirate Paradise, and thank you players for being a part of them.

Scott Hardie | June 4, 2016
FINAL PLAYER RANKINGS:
1: Steve West, 2,070,963 gold coins
2: Matthew Preston, 1,788,231 gold coins
3: Steve Dunn, 1,682,446 gold coins
4: Scott Hardie, 1,290,941 gold coins
5: Justin Woods, 1,262,913 gold coins
6: Russ Wilhelm, 1,072,971 gold coins
7: Chris Lemler, 531,046 gold coins
8: Tony Peters, 365,044 gold coins
9: Erik Bates, 360,587 gold coins
10: Aaron Shurtleff, 347,369 gold coins
11: Richard Slominsky, 188,011 gold coins
12: Kelly Lee, 42,780 gold coins
13: Jeff Coopes, 36,729 gold coins
14: Sarah Kyle, 33,213 gold coins
15: Jeremiah Poisson, 30,706 gold coins
16: Themba Shawn Ncala, 30,381 gold coins
17: Colby Sparrow, 26,037 gold coins
18: Ryan Dunn, 11,218 gold coins
19: Mike Eberhart, 9197 gold coins
20: Samir Mehta, -8606 gold coins
21: Elaine Beckland, -10,253 gold coins