Scott Hardie | September 8, 2001
The assignment was to imitate not only Jonathan Swift's writing style, but also his skewering satirical style, and do so with our own original subject matter. I got tired of Gulliver talking about Europe with every foreign leader he met, so I decided to use that. Here's the final essay.

The Author visits with a foreign Dignitary and attempts to establish an Agreement on Migration between their Peoples.

Upon my reaching the Capitol of the Americans, having traveled to Many of their Cities in the Past, I learned that their Leader, who, like Myself, bore the Title of President, was newer to the Job than I. Where I had been elected President by the Mexicans over one Year ago, Bush, as He was called, had been President of the Americans only since January. I did not know if Newness to the Stature or plain and simple Asininity was the Cause, but Bush seemed to Me to be a Man of poor Reasoning, low Intellect, and general Fatuity, all Traits not desireable of a Man in his Position. Among other Mistakes, He repeatedly referred to Me as "Vincent."

Our Meeting was the Occasion of Bush's first official state Dinner, and his Attendants prepared for Me and my Party a lavish Feast of Food eaten at the Border between our Peoples, topped by a Performance from a beautiful young Singer of the Opera, and a Display of exploding Fireworks. This was intended on Bush's behalf to be the Goals of our Visit, but I had other Goals in Mind.

I, having traveled far and wide across the World, to distant Lands whose Peoples have treated Me as One bizarre Thing after Another, was able to recognize, without Delay, that I was a Genius. The Americans, who, in my many Exchanges with Them, did not demonstrate a great mental Faculty, must have been great Nincompoops to have chosen by general Election an Ignoramus of the Degree of Bush. After some Consideration, I realized that Opportunity awaited my Knocking.

The Day that followed my Dinner with Bush, I insisted on speaking before his Congress, a group of Legislators and would-be Influentials, who I suspected might be able to persuade Bush to accept my Ideas if I presented Them in the proper Manner Bush granted my Request with Distrust that He could barely conceal, and I found myself in the main Chamber of the Congress, where I began to orate about the Need for Promptness when deciding a Policy concerning Migration between our Peoples. This caught Bush, and several of his Legislators, by Surprise, but still I spoke.

The Mexicans who elected Me are as hard-working as the Americans are foolish, and when our Economy in the mother Land sinks into Periods of Recession, They resourcefully pursue Employment across the Border in America. But Americans, lacking a Sense of Justice, pay Them Less, by Way of a Legality by which a lower Wage may be earned by a Person who lacks official Residency and Citizenry as an American. How One goes about acquiring such Status is too complicated a Procedure for Me, but I am assured that It is Arduous. That being the Case, I implored the Congress to enact Legislation by the upcoming December that would make Legal a Citizenship for Each of three Million Mexicans currently Laboring in America.

Though some Members of the Congress seemed skeptical, They agreed to consider my Plan. Having befriended Bush and accomplished my Goal, I set out once again on my Travels, intending to represent the Mexicans in another Place without ever actually returning home to see Them.

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