Things to Ponder

Scott Hardie | June 26, 2002
Jackie sent me a forward in email tonight entitled "Things to Ponder". It's in a humorous tone, but many of the questions can be answered seriously. I'm just bored enough to try it.


Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get
undressed?
Because s/he has other patients. It's scary how much it's like a restaurant.
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Yes and no. The person has to obtain a permit to dig down that far, but nobody else has the right to dig on the land.
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
Last name.
If you mated a bulldog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
I would call it that. But we have the word 'mutt'.
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Because steps and stairs have different etymologies.
How come you can see the stars from the Earth, but you can't see them when you're in space?
You can see them in space, but only at night. One of the bits of 'evidence' that conspiracy theorists present that man didn't really land on the moon (forgive me Eddie) is that there are no stars in the background when the astronauts took photos of one another. That's because it was daytime! The sun was shining on that half of the moon, and the radiance made it impossible to see stars. They can be seen from the dark half of the moon.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because it's daytime in the fridge! Seriously, I dunno. We have fridge lights, oven lights, microwave lights, etc. I think freezer lights are only a matter of time.
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
To prevent contamination.
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
I don't know. My theory is that 'use by' dates are trendy.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no-one would eat?
For my mom.
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
No.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What I wonder is, when we realized that getting milk from humans wasn't feasible, how many kinds of animals did we go through before we settled on cows?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Ha ha.
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
No. That's just stupid.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Yeah yeah yeah. How come the Howells had so much clothing for a three-hour tour? Haven't heard that one before either.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
Because they're pointing at an imaginary watch, not at their wrist.
There. Boredom temporarily relieved.