Scott Hardie: “It was ok.”

For years I've listened to friends lament that the mediocre "Titanic" ranks among the top-grossing movies of all time, but I never really understood their disenfranchisement until this colossal banality ascended to the top of those same ranks. This movie out-earned "E.T. the Extra fucking Terrestrial" for cryin' out loud. It's not a great movie; it simply had a great marketing campaign.

Like the original, it's not really actively bad, except perhaps for the awkward fart jokes put in for the immature ones in the audience (and their kids). It's merely flat and jokeless, expending a great deal of energy to tell jokes with minimal comedic impact. Referencial comedy can be funny if you do something with the references, but simply putting a Starbucks Coffee in a medieval village is not funny in and of itself. I dunno, lots of people saw this movie and liked it enough to see it again; the proof is in the returns. But I sat there stone-faced for most of the film, and I can't recommend it. (To be fair, I did laugh at Puss-in-Boots's entrance, and Pinocchio's secret.) The other problem with the film is an overwhelming tackiness, especially in the choice of musical numbers; I know Pixar makes quality animated entertainment look easy, but Dreamworks only boosts their competitor's reputation. On the whole, this is forgettable crap that doesn't deserve to be on any list with the truly great movies it spoofs, like "E.T."

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