King of Queens

Scott Hardie | November 27, 2003
I'm embarrassed to be complaining about such an asinine thing, but I want to get it off my chest. I caught parts of a first-run "King of Queens" episode tonight. It's Thanksgiving, and friends have gathered at the house. Some guy with a beard and an eye patch shows up on the doorstep saying that his car broke down and he needs to use the phone. The Fat Guy wants to help him, while The Bitchy Wife thinks he's some criminal out to kill and rob them. Through the episode, they bicker, with the friends around the table divided over which is right. It turns into a debate over whether the world is some mean place out to hurt you, or whether you should try to trust strangers, which happens to be a very important subject to me (I'm an optimist). Eventually The Fat Guy takes a stand and goes out to the porch to eat his Thanksgiving dinner there with the guy, and one by one, the friends join him, leaving The Bitchy Wife to sulk alone and learn her lesson. Unable to stand the sound of laughter outside, she eventually joins them for a few joyous minutes. Then the guy gets their permission to use the bathroom before he leaves, and holy smokes! He locks them outside and robs them! Didn't see that one coming! Naturally The Fat Guy gets his comeuppance in the form of the disparaging glare from The Bitchy Wife afterwards.

I'm never watching that piece of shit show again.

Kris Weberg | November 27, 2003
Wait, this doesn't make any sense. If he locked them outside to rob them, how'd he escape? I mean, didn't he basically trap himself in the house?

Scott Hardie | November 27, 2003
No, see, he locked himself in so that he could call Discover customers all night.

Jackie Mason | November 28, 2003
[hidden by request]

Kris Weberg | November 29, 2003
The only reasons I've ever found for watching King of Queens are Jerry Stiller, who can make anything funny, and Lou Ferrigno's cameos. But then, I wasn't a fan of Kevin James' stand-up routine either, so maybe it's an issue of personal taste.