Nom de Whom

Scott Hardie | July 24, 2017
Should I change my name?

My first name is Sean. It appears on my government paperwork, employment paperwork, school paperwork, medical paperwork, financial paperwork, and pretty much everything else "official."

But of course, I go by Scott, my middle name. Everyone calls me Scott. It's the only name I recognize being called. It's the only name I've ever considered mine. It's the only name that I like or want.

Imagine going through life with a completely different, foreign name on all of your paperwork -- you have to remember being "Charles" or "Mallory" or whatever when you sign for something, a name that feels very much like it's not your own.

This has always been a nuisance, creating minor but consistently annoying problems. For instance, I have to remember to warn people running a background check or credit check on Scott that they'll find activity under the name Sean. Or I might be managing a joint account at a bank as Sean and my companion will call me Scott and I'll have to explain it to avoid the appearance of fraud. Or there's that time I wound up in the ER and Kelly couldn't get in to see me because there was no "Scott Hardie" being treated, at least until she realized why. There have been hundreds of incidents along these lines.

I've put up with it for years, but lately I feel like the exasperation is getting past some kind of tipping point. Maybe it's because in the last year I have lately taken on a lot more financial responsibility and a lot more doctors, leading to a lot more documents with some stranger named Sean's name all over them. I filled out five forms in a row like this on Sunday and I just couldn't escape the feeling that the name is just wrong, and that I've put up with this nuisance for long enough.

Am I being too sensitive about it?

Is changing it -- I mean changing my full legal name to Scott Hardie, and going through a renaming process with a few dozen of the aforementioned parties -- more trouble than it would be worth?

These are subjective questions by nature, but I still wonder what you'd do in my place, or whatever other thoughts you may have on the subject. Thanks for the feedback.

Scott Hardie | July 24, 2017
I imagine that married people who change their name go through the opposite of this problem. Someone who has always been "Mary Smith" takes her husband's name and now has to remember that she's "Mary Jones," a foreign name that doesn't feel quite right, and she may still be known in some places as Mary Smith and have to correct people. I very much sympathize with that -- I feel like that's close to my situation, and I have an opportunity to correct it by going by one name everywhere.

Aaron Shurtleff | July 24, 2017
The opposite of that problem, for the married person situation, is if your spouse does not take your last name, it can lead to situations where you have to go through more headaches to prove it. People assume spouses have the same last name, and it can be a pain when you don't. Just personal experience. But, especially in the sciences, your name is your reputation, and changing your name can lead to different headaches. It is a choice you have to make.

As far as changing your first name, I am not sure what would be best for you. It seems like it might be one of those situations where only you can know for sure if it is the best thing to do. Cop out as it is to say that. Plus, at this point, I would imagine that all the places you have already spent time explaining Scott vs Sean, you then have to go back and explain again the new situation. If it's getting to you, I would say change it. Once you sort out dealing with your current situations, it will be done, since future ones would only deal with the change, right? Would you possibly still have to explain it though? Would some sorts of people assume the name change was to hide from some past problems, leading to extra hassle and explanations? It might be no better.

I can see how this is a difficult decision.

Scott Hardie | July 27, 2017
Yeah, last names can be a pain like that. It must be hard to be a famous professional actress who uses her married name in private, because how do you keep correcting people to use your married name when you're obviously famous as your maiden name?

I'm willing to go back and explain to each party that my name has changed, fi it means I don't have to deal with this problem any more afterwards. I imagine that even if I change the name everywhere, background checks and other things that look into my past will keep bringing Sean back into my life from time to time, though I'll have to see the name much less often than now.

Thanks for the advice. I figured it was a subjective choice. I have a lot more thinking to do about this.