Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
by Steve West on January 16, 2010
I'm starting to shift my thinking on who's the problem in my relationship with UOAS. Even the most passably inane thing she says requires a sarcastic comment from me. It seems to have become a moral imperative in my mind.
UOAS: Wow look at all those Boston Market dinners. I live on these things.
Me: Really? I take the meatloaf one and make little meat sculptures. It's a really fantastic medium.
UOAS: (quizzical look)
Me: Maybe I'll eat one someday.
UOAS: You sure buy a lot of English muffins.
Me: I'm convinced that inside one of those tasty muffins awaits a toasted portrait of the Virgin Mary. I hear Golden Palace Casino will give me a cool million for that. (I buy muffins for consumption only. Never have I looked for hidden images)
UOAS: Really?
Me: Yeah. And if it includes Baby Jesus it goes up to a million five.
UOAS: I think I heard about that.
Me: Yeah, they were this close to paying me a hundred grand for St. Francis of Assisi but the deal fell through. They were only willing to give me 200 bucks for Bartholomew, though. I was holding out for more when it got moldy and they backed out.
UOAS: Flintstones vitamins, huh? Is there a Pebbles in there?
Me: I hear that every third bottle has a pornographic Great Gazoo flashing the other vitamins. Some disgruntled manufacturer had a weird sense of humor.
UOAS: (referring to the groceries being almost all checked out) There it goes a little at a time.
Me: I'm assuming you're talking about my money. (knowing full well what she's referring to)
Brenda is convinced that UOAS has a blog site of her own in which she talks about her weekly ordeal of having to deal with difficult customers. And then 'Gruesome And Smelly' said... I'm thinking I deserve it.
One Reply to Got Those Grocery Shop On Saturday Blues
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Taking Bets for 2021
Volcano? Locusts? Asteroid? Go »Have a Nice Day!
I'd like to get a part-time job now that I'm retired but can't seem to find any long-lasting energy (Damn MS!). Brenda suggested being a Wal-Mart greeter. "That doesn't take a lot of energy," she remarked. Go »If I Were To Make A Children's Show...
...it would be similar to this promo for The Crime Channel featuring Gali the Alligator. The lyrics are a little hard to understand so I've attempted to transcribe them here. Go »Just In Time For Voting
Although I'm partial to the Aaron v. Steve Dunn tête-à-têtes, it seems ironic that UOAS took the opportunity to push for a vote. Despicable. Go »What's For Dinner?
After 22 years of marriage, I've discovered that when two people love each other, nothing is impossible. Except deciding where to eat. Go »
Amy Austin | January 17, 2010
LOLLLLLL... and so you would. ;-)