It's The Plumber!
by Steve West on September 17, 2011

The punchline to the old talking parrot joke recently leaped into my mind. Lauren dropped a lipstick tube down her bathroom sink because it has nothing to cover the drain hole. That thing that goes up and down to close the sink drain isn't part of this particular sink. I got a wrench to unscrew the trap and just a small amount of pressure broke the corroded pipe just after the trap. Broke it good. While I would like to think it was my Schwarzenegger-like strength that caused steel to break in half, it's just the fifty year old pipes failing. Fifty years just doesn't seem that old to me but what else could it be? It's not like we have extra hydrochloric acid in our water in Bowie.

I called the plumber and it's one of those $150 just to pull into your driveway kind of things. I have to supply the new faucet so it has the drain hole cover but he'll install it. I'm going to Lowe's now because I need a lawnmower. Grass-zilla is taking over my backyard in the two weeks I've owned this place but I never needed a lawnmower till now - a weed whacker sufficed on the quilt sized lawn I had before. A new electric mower should whack his radiated ass back to the stone age.

Home ownership costs money to maintain, I know. I'm not surprised by this. But there was so much repairing I already knew going into this sale so I wasn't counting on a new repair to pop up only two weeks after moving in. I'm putting my toolbox in the attic before I "fix" something else.

One Reply to It's The Plumber!

Jackie Mason | October 6, 2011
[hidden by author request]

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Auntie Em! It's a Twister, It's a Twister!

What the wind blew in this week. According to this chart, Rambo V will have someone die in the first minute of the film and five deaths per minute following. It's official, Robin Williams has turned into a troll. Go »

Some Anniversaries Are More Memorable Than Others

Today is the ninth anniversary of my wedding to my child bride, Brenda. So far so good. Had to call and schedule the plumber because there is water leaking from behind the wall in the bathroom. Go »

This Year Goes to 11 contd.

What do the following people have in common? Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Wayne Gretzky, Melissa Etheridge, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez, Marilyn Milian, George Clooney, Michael J. Fox, Kim Deal, Boy George, Forest Whitaker, Barack Obama, Susan Olsen, Wynton Marsalis, Heather Locklear, Meg Ryan, Ann Coulter, and Steve West. Go »

You Make Life Worth Living

Recently, I attended a wedding for some close friends of mine. The reception featured a DJ who doubled as emcee announcing what was happening and what would happen next. After doing the stupid chicken dance and the hokey pokey, he tried to create a “feel good” moment for the newlyweds. Go »

Isn't That The Red Skull In That Weird Pantsuit?

My internet idol, Uncle Scoopy, refers to Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham as Skeletor Spice for her resemblance to that cartoon character. Interestingly, she resembles other cartoon characters often, depending on how she dresses. She has got to make Blackwell's "Worst Dressed" this year. Go »

See You At The Pole

At the end of my college career, I walked on the campus of the University of Maryland for the thousandth time. Near the chapel, in front of an administrative building, stood flagpoles bearing the flag of the State of Maryland flying slightly lower than the flag of the United States. Annually, in September, students are encouraged to gather at the flagpole of their school and pray, an event called "See You At The Pole". Go »