Teeth
2008
When a virtuous high school student is sexually assaulted, she discovers that she has an unexpected line of defense: a toothed vagina. But coming to terms with her anatomical anomaly may be easier said than done.

Aaron Shurtleff: “It was ok.”

It's really not a surprise what makes our young protagonist special, so I'll come right out and say it: Vagina dentata. Brings a shudder to every man's loins, let me assure you! Well, this movie deals with a young woman, who has taken her pledge to remain pure until marriage very seriously. Which I guess explains why she's never been to a gynecologist (until a very "poignant" scene midway through the film, of course!) ever in her life to have discovered this before a very unfortunate sexual assault (not that there is any other type of sexual assault). Then, things go a bit crazy, stuff happens and men suck. Yeah, this movie pretty much makes men look like mean jerks, and they get what they deserve. Girl power!

First of all, there are several scenes in this movie where they show the big stacks of what we should assume is a nuclear power plant in the background. Because, obviously, living close to a nuke facility would cause such craziness as a woman just spontaneously having vaginal teeth. I have issues about the safety of nuclear facilities (more specifically, the truth of the danger of them versus the paranoia commonly spread about them), so this didn't sit well with me. Personal issue.

Second, most of the male characters are pretty scummy in this film. I mean, yeah, it would be horrible for mostly innocent, good men to be subjected to what I am sure you all can imagine happens to the men in this film. But, they could have tried to be less stereotypical in the portrayal of bad men. It also struck me as how quickly the character goes from a nice girl who pledged to be abstinent to an avenging angel who..um..uses her special qualities for the betterment of her little area of the world. Really? I would like to think that your typical woman would be a bit more shocked and dismayed about discovering such a mutation, rather than just using it as the main character does. What do I know, though?

Honestly though, for the subject matter, the film is not too gory, other than a few bloody "stump" shots and some nearly hilarious looking severed penises. [DISCLAIMER: I have never seen a severed penis, and if I find that a severed penis lying on the ground actually looks like that, I will apologize. I hope I never have reason to discover what a severed penis looks like!] And, amazingly, the sexual content is pretty tame. This movie could have been nigh-pornographic, and it is refreshingly good that the sex scenes are mostly PG-13 (except for the men screaming, and the severed penises, of course!).

This movie was OK. It had its good and bad points, but it was entertaining enough. I would recommend it with reservations, and only to people I knew would find this kind of thing entertaining.

− July 17, 2008 • more by Aaronlog in or create an account to reply

Lori Lancaster: BWAHAHAHA WE saw a trailer for this on one of the Zombie/vampire flix we watched on zombie marathon day. − July 18, 2008 • more by Lori

Scott Hardie: [ending spoiler]

I'll get around to my own review shortly. I expected the horror element and the satirical riff on body anxiety and virginity movements, but I didn't expect the superhero angle at the end. Are we so indundated with superhero stories that we can't imagine other endings to things? Anyway, good movie otherwise, and good review. − July 18, 2008 • more by Scott

Aaron Shurtleff: You've seen this already, Scott?? I thought this would be one of those movies that no one else would have known about. Well, sorry to steal a bit of your thunder, then. − July 18, 2008 • more by Aaron

Scott Hardie: I have thunder? Why didn't anybody tell me I had thunder?

I read good things about it when it made the festival rounds, and it didn't disappoint months later when I saw it on DVD. It's a contender for my annual list, but I have lot more I want to see first. − July 18, 2008 • more by Scott

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Scott Hardie: “It ruled.”

A movie about a teenager with vagina dentata can go in lots of directions, and this one does, satirizing the conflict between sexual repression and objectification in our culture with an unexpectedly smart script. Too bad it gets dumb at the very end.

− April 7, 2009 • more by Scottlog in or create an account to reply

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