Cheese That is Painful to the Ears

Jackie Mason | April 21, 2004
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Scott Hardie | April 21, 2004
Greg at BTD brought this up and it's not a bad topic; it certainly gets people making their own lists. Callers to Paul Harris's radio show do it every year. Since nobody does "pointless but fun" topics better than we do, I'm glad you mentioned it, Jackie. :-)

I don't know nearly enough music to give an authoritative answer, but if you want some bad songs off the top of my head:
"Soft 'n Wet" - MC Hammer reduces women to their sex organs, for which he states his affection in a boorish shout, and he probably still gets laid more often today than I do.
"We Didn't Start the Fire" - Sorry, Jackie, this has always been one of my least favorite songs. It seemed like Billy Joel spent a few minutes rhyming keywords from his generation, set it to music, and somehow sold millions of records as a result. I've written GOO clues with more wit.
"Rock Me Amadeus" - I had nothing against this song until I met a retro-hipster poser in college who played it excessively. It was actually cooler than he was. This one's just a victim of bad association.
"Bohemian Rhapsody" - It was a fine song, the first eight thousand times I heard it. There's a local radio station that seems to have nothing in their playlist except this and "Don't Fear the Reaper," another solid classic that is close to being ruined for me.
"Whoop! There It Is" - Nuff said.
"Tootsie Roll" - Ditto.
"I Can't Dance (To That Music You're Playing)" - I may be the only straight man in Tampa to enjoy cheeky '80s dance music like Betty Boo, but this godawful song is beyond my tolerance.

I recall Matt Preston breaking into uncontrollable fits of laughter every time Clare Torry hit those high notes in Pink Floyd's "The Great Gig in the Sky." I'm sure that's what he'd mention.

Melissa Erin | April 21, 2004
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Kris Weberg | April 21, 2004
Uh, I like Heart-Shaped Box, actrually. It's supposed to sound ugly, to evoke an ugly emotion.

The entry that shocked me was "Sounds of Silence," by Simon and Garfunkel, a song universally acknowledged as a folk-rock classic. But then, this is Blender, a music magazine by the people who created Maxim. Heck, they probably like that Hammer song's sentiments, come to think..

Erik Bates | April 21, 2004
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Melissa Erin | April 21, 2004
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Erik Bates | April 22, 2004
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Jackie Mason | April 22, 2004
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Kris Weberg | April 23, 2004
And let us not forget William Shatner's early 70s forays into psychedelic music, especially his...unique...version of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

Anna Gregoline | April 23, 2004
"We Didn't Start the Fire" - I like this song. It's a good fit of rhyming keywords. I don't know. I like the reduction of history into a compact word song - sort of a weird found poem.

"Rock Me Amadeus" - HILARIOUS. Don't know why I like it, I just do. It's so weird, lame and cheesy.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" - eh.

"Whoop! There It Is" -"Tootsie Roll" - Worth their existence for my middle school nostalgia.

And count me in on "Heart-Shaped Box." It's a great song, not Nirvana's best, but a goodie. Don't try to make sense of any Nirvana lyrics. They rhyme. They were written by a heroin addict. Good enough.

"Oh, and I sincerely believe that guys who actually listen to the advice given in Maxim should only be allowed to date women who listen to the advice given in Cosmo and Glamour."

YES!!!!

I'd love a copy of the cover CD - IM me and ask for my address!

Lori Lancaster | April 23, 2004
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Anna Gregoline | April 23, 2004
Lots of teachers do that, I hear. It's easier to remember things if they're set to music.