This is more like Weight-Gain Wednesday after a week and a half with Kelly, bouncing around Sarasota restaurants and Disney World. No matter how many thousands of calories I burned walking around that theme park for three days, I'm sure I consumed twice as many, and that was just in fudge from the Main Street Confectionery.

Now that I'm back and I've done some very scientific research – asking a friend whether she hated one – I have chosen NutriSystem over Medifast as the exclusive supplier of my every meal. 1) They don't have shakes. You know, like Slim Fast? Those shakes are unholy. 2) They provide my every meal, instead of leaving me on my own for dinner. Sure, I can fix a sensible dinner. That's how I got into this mess in the first place. 3) Their website doesn't annoy me. Call it professional training. 4) You can choose your own menu from the options available. Goodbye split pea soup, hello chocolate peanut-butter bar. 5) Dan Marino lost 22 lbs, and now he looks like *I* could beat him up.

I fired Dr. Can't and passed on the echocardiograph test that he booked for me. I keep taking painful, expensive tests and he keeps telling me that my heart is fine, so enough already. Let's get to what's actually wrong with me. The only thing I have left to fear is winding up in the hospital any time soon and having to sit through his icy disposition again, more so now that he's fired. Hey, it's more incentive to lose weight.


One Reply to WGW: If It's Good Enough for Dan Marino, It's Good Enough for Me

Jackie Mason | January 11, 2008
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Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

TACO TOWN!!

(link) Thanks, Jon. Go »

Windbag

I don't know what Polaroids he has of whom, but somehow Tom Skilling has elevated himself to some kind of all-important weather-broadcasting god. When I grew up in Chicago, I watched him gradually get a bigger and bigger budget for his animated graphics, and gradually get a larger and larger timeframe to deliver his dull reports. By the time I left town, he had a whole 20 minutes of the hour-long midday newscast for the fucking weather, and boy did he find trivia to fill it: Average dew points across Cook County on this day in 1854, theta-e temperature predictions for every Cubs home game next season, you name it. Go »

Gothic Conclusion

Gothic Earth was played for the last time on April 14, finally completing a long campaign that I was worried at times would wind up abandoned before we could finish it. You can read the entire storyline now. I'll leave the website online through August 31. Go »

Scott's Car is Dead; Long Live Scott's Van

The blue Dodge Caliber that I bought years ago has lasted through a lot. It may have suffered a flat tire at one GooCon and a window that wouldn't close at another, but the only major and long-lasting problem with it was a leaky roof. Unfortunately, I live in Florida, where half of the year sees brief but frequent thunderstorms. Go »

The Proposal

By now, the news is out that Kelly and I are engaged. We couldn't be happier about it! Here's the full story for anyone interested. Go »

Even When I Was a Child, I Was Hated by Skeletons

We watched The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra again last night. If you haven't seen it, and you have a place in your heart for a pretty good spoof of campy D-grade sci-fi movies from the 1950s, rent it. A few people have been turned off by its slow pace, but I have yet to watch it with someone who hasn't at least found a few things to chuckle at. Go »