The Roast of Steve West

Scott Hardie | July 15, 2011
I don't usually participate in the "happy birthday" discussions here, because I don't have much more to say than the greeting that is automatically generated on my behalf on Dashboard at midnight. (Thanks PHP!) But half-century birthdays are special occasions, and this time I'd like to say more.

I have only known Steve West for eight of his now fifty years, but it's been more than enough for me to develop a great respect and fondness for him. He has given me encouragement and wisdom, he has demonstrated his loyalty and good nature, and I have discovered much about him in private that he does not share easily. That said, if I've learned anything at all from interacting with him on this site, it's that he loves a good series of jokes. And so, I think the only appropriate way to celebrate his passage into geezerdom is to tell a series of jokes about him. Something tells me he won't be able to resist joining in. I just hope he's still allowed to laugh.

I'll get us started:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter. Steve already crossed it three weeks before the chicken could get that far.

How many Steves does it take to change a light bulb?
Two: One to do it flawlessly, while the other swears up and down that he's no good at doing it this fast and the light bulb's got the upper hand.

How do you get Steve to add something new in his blog?
Write as many posts as he has.

...I hope you don't mind, buddy. :-D Have an excellent birthday!

Steve West | July 15, 2011
I'd be offended if they weren't all true! Yer killin' me. Thanks.

LaVonne Lemler | July 15, 2011
Happy Birthday, you old geezer! What a milestone! Have a terrific day, Steve! :)

Chris Lemler | July 15, 2011
Well "old man" hope you have a good and safe birthday. No offense to you Old Timer.....Enjoy your birthday

Justin Woods | July 15, 2011
Happy Birthday Steve!!! I guess no more staying up to midnight to put your GOO's in... ;-)

Russ Wilhelm | July 15, 2011
Thanks for being my elder. Have a great birthday, Steve.

Steve West | July 15, 2011
What do Steve West and Captain America have in common?
Nothing.

What's the most useless thing in Steve West's house?
Steve West
(contributed by Brenda West)

Scott Hardie | July 15, 2011
How do you get Steve to take a break from kicking your butt in Rock Block?
Tell him to grab his notebook because Jimmy Fallon's monologue just started.

Tony Peters | July 15, 2011
damn you're getting old

Ryan Dunn | July 15, 2011
Knock Knock

Who's there?

Steve West.

Fuck, I just lost at Rock Block again.

Lori Lancaster | July 15, 2011
[hidden by request]

Jon Berry | July 15, 2011
I want to say Steve West is uh...

...What I mean to say is, Steve is so incredibly...

uhm...

Damn it, Steve, stop being such a nice guy so this roast goes easier.

What's the difference between Steve West and Ghandi?

Ghandi is slightly worst at Rock Block.

Samir Mehta | July 15, 2011
[hidden by request]

Scott Hardie | July 15, 2011
Steve apologized for missing his flight to GooCon, after he was detained for six hours by TSA agents on suspicion of lying about his identity. It took his lawyer that long to deliver papers proving that he wasn't Kenny Rogers.

Steve West | July 16, 2011
I bent to straighten the wrinkles in my socks when I realized I wasn't wearing any.

Steve West | July 16, 2011
I am soooo happy to remember Beatlemania and I feel bad for my daughter, who at my age, will reflect on her childhood growing up during Bieber-mania.

Tony Peters | July 16, 2011
OK steve that's just cruel

Steve West | July 16, 2011
You're right. Blame Lucille. You picked a fine time to leave me Lucilleeee.......

Steve West | July 16, 2011
Steve West is so old he needs his false teeth to eat jello. (contributed by Brenda West)

Scott Hardie | July 16, 2011
Steve walks into a bar and sits down without ordering anything.

The bartender calls over, "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"No thanks," Steve says. "My Internet is out. I'm just here in the hopes of a priest, a rabbi, and a duck walking in."

Steve West | July 17, 2011
How many Steves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one but it takes a year to get his lazy ass to do it.

Scott Hardie | July 17, 2011
There once was a player named Stephen,
Against whom most concerts weren't even.
When he asked why they tried,
Other players replied,
"To beat you is nice to believe in."

Steve West | July 21, 2011
Brenda's monologue cont'd...
Steve's trying to stay young-looking by spiking his hair. Sadly, his spikes clash with his bald spots.
Steve still likes to wear speedos but his use of Depends at the same time is getting a little embarrassing.
And really, should anyone wear a nose ring and bifocals?

Steve West | July 23, 2011
Brenda's monologue cont'd...
A sure sign that Steve is getting old is that the same noises he used to make in bed he now makes just getting out of a chair.
There's more pills in our medicine cabinet than at a Motley Crue reunion.
He insists on reading the nutritional label on beer before he buys it.

Steve West | July 26, 2011
Brenda's monologue cont'd...
Fast food lunches are bad enough but Steve's idea of a really fast lunch is eating an entire tube of Pringles. Oh, and stuffing 50 marshmallows into your mouth at one time is not something you should be putting in your resume. Lately he's been carrying Viagra in a Pez dispenser.

Steve West | July 26, 2011
That last one really hurt, sweetheart.

Scott Hardie | August 8, 2011
What's the difference between Steve West and the lottery?
You actually have a chance of winning at the lottery.

Steve West | August 9, 2011
Steve to Brenda: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife: 45 lbs.
Brenda to Steve: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 Mins.