Friends and Forwards

Scott Hardie | March 1, 2002
Just last night I was having a conversation with Matt on the subject of forwards. Back in 1996 and 1997, we both knew a guy who relentlessly sent email forwards, maybe three or four a day. No more than half of these were humorous; it seemed like most of them were idiotic statements of praise to the recepient as a friend, or to the institution of friendship itself. They always ended, of course, with instructions to pass it on to ten friends. Matt and I picked on this guy then and now for these forwards, so I find it ironic that just today, Ed Tegge sent me this forward. (Ed almost never sends forwards these days because of some shit that went down a year ago when some assholes didn't know the difference between 'Reply' and 'Reply All,' but that's a different rant.)

For those that are sick and tired of the usual "friend" poems, a touch of reality.

When you are sad..........I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue..........I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.
When you smile..............I'll know you finally got laid.
When you are scared..........I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried..........I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit the stupid whining.
When you are confused..........I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.
When you are sick..........Stay away from me until you're well again...I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall...........I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...............I pledge till the end.
Why you may ask?........Because you're my friend.

Send to ten of your closest friends and then get depressed because you only
have 2 friends, and one's not speaking to you right now anyway and the
other one is sending you this email.