Grading Your Life

Scott Hardie | November 16, 2011
David Brooks recently had a good idea for a column: Asking seniors to reflect upon various parts of their lives and send him their thoughts for publication at Thanksgiving. The whole column is good, but I'm intrigued by the idea at the top, of offering yourself a letter grade on how well you've handled each of five aspects of your life: career, family, faith, community, and self-knowledge. None of the regulars around here have reached that advanced age (70+), but we're not kids either. What grade would you give yourself in one or more (or all) of these parts of your life so far, and why? Feel free to grade yourself in more areas than Brooks provided, such as health, social life, or intellectual pursuits.

Scott Hardie | November 17, 2011
Career: B. I got off to a late start, and I made some decisions that hurt my standing in a doomed, misguided effort to help others. But I've worked hard over the years, earned some promotions and appreciation, and enjoyed the rewards of what happens to be a pretty good job.

Erik Bates | November 17, 2011
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Steve West | November 17, 2011
Career: B. Pension=Good. 401K=Good. Job satisfaction=Good. Management heirarchy=Not so good.

Family: B. My household=Great. In-Laws(Brenda's family)=pain in neck. Outlaws (my family)=Somewhat lower pain.

Faith: B+. Room for improvement.

Self-knowledge: A. I yam what I yam.

Ryan Dunn | November 18, 2011
Career: B I have a job I like, but don't love. Keep talking about cutting the cord and breaking free...but so far I've been all talk. But I provide for my family, that's worth a B, right?

Family: A+ I'm not great at a lot of things, but I know I'm a great Dad. And I think I'm a pretty damn good husband. I know I'm at least a decent brother, son, uncle, in-law, and friend. Top priority for me.

Faith: F

Community: B This would have been an F a few months ago, but I've recently started volunteering for a local theatre company, and am working to support local business. Instead of wishing I lived in a cooler community, I'm starting to try to make my community cooler.

Self Knowledge: A I'm totally full of shit, and I know it.

Health: D- Barely passing. Mentally I'm getting better, but have struggled with anxiety in the past. Physically...oh jesus...physically I'm quite possibly the laziest man on the planet. Food and drink...I don't seem to have a stop button.

Social Life: B I'm kind of a home body. But, you know...I like my home. But I can hang with just about any crowd, and tend to do well at social gatherings by using self deprecation, and encouraging people to talk about themselves.

Samir Mehta | November 18, 2011
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Scott Hardie | November 19, 2011
Family: C. Keeping up with immediate family is easy and enjoyable. We just took my mom and her boyfriend out to dinner last night for his birthday (and it's weird calling him "boyfriend" when he's turning 78). I have a good rapport with Kelly's parents; less so with her brother but I still enjoy spending time with him.

But keeping up with more distant relatives like aunts, uncles, and cousins, both Kelly's and mine, has been difficult. When I talk to them, I find myself thinking about how little I have in common with them besides genes, and how many years (5? 10?) it's been since we last talked, and other unhelpful distractions rather than the topic at hand. I wish it didn't feel strange, but it does.

As for starting a new family together, Kelly and I can't conceive. We've talked about adoption, but it costs a fortune that we won't be able to afford for years to come. Since my brother is deceased and Kelly's brother isn't going to settle down any time soon, we've accepted that there probably won't be another generation of Hardies or Lees. Our families may not have accepted this as readily as we have, but I refuse to feel any obligation to carry on that kind of legacy.

When our parents are gone, my "grade" in Family will slide down towards failing, and I'm fine with that.

Samir Mehta | November 19, 2011
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Scott Hardie | November 20, 2011
I don't have much to say about everybody's grades, but I'm reading them with interest, and learning more about you all. Thanks.

Scott Hardie | November 20, 2011
Faith: C. Like a lot of Christian teens who speak constantly about their faith because they haven't grown up yet and learned the right time and place for such topics, I was an outspoken atheist in high school, and I came to regret being such an arrogant loudmouth about it. Since that time in my life, I try not to talk much about my beliefs, except to Kelly and certain close friends.

I think about faith often, and wonder sometimes if giving myself to a higher power would help me overcome my weight problem. Overeaters Anonymous certainly leans toward that solution. But I have trouble accepting that I'm not in control of my own life, and if that proves my own continued vanity in the face of evidence to the contrary (such as my inability to lose weight), well, so be it.

Scott Hardie | November 25, 2011
Community: C. I'm so far off the mark that I don't even know what this word means to me. Contributing to local charities and patronizing local businesses whenever possible, like Ryan said? I do that, sure, if Goodwill donations count for the former. Cultivating friendships with good people near me, like Samir said? I do that too, if not as many as I would like. But I've barely met my neighbors, and I belong to no neighborhood or city groups, and I don't participate in church or community service activities. I've looked into joining social clubs such as the Elks, but even if their average member wasn't at least 20 years old than me, most of the social clubs seem to be either faith-based or drinking-based. I live here because I like the area and I'm comfortable here, not because I have community ties of some kind beyond work and family. I guess I'd like to change that, but I don't even know where to begin.

Scott Hardie | November 27, 2011
Self-Knowledge: B. I know my strengths and limitations. I try to be objective and frank about my failures, rather than rationalize them. For the most part, I am very comfortable being me, and feel little need to change. I'd rather consider painful truths about myself than be blissfully ignorant.

However, knowing one's weaknesses doesn't always help one overcome them. For instance, I can recognize my emotional dependence and irrationality when it comes to food, but so far that's accomplished exactly squat in helping me to stop overeating. Knowing is only half the battle, after all.

Steve West | November 27, 2011
Community: C. I go through the motions of attending various walks for Autism (mostly for me), Help the Homeless, Susan G. Komen for breast cancer and I donate to various charities like Cystic Fibrosis, Police organizations, and a few others and I faithfully tithe to my church and assist in various church functions to benefit our surrounding community. All that being said, I don't really feel connected to any of these (very worthy) organizations except through my wallet. I come home from various functions with an awareness of what could make them better but make no effort to involve myself to facilitate these changes. I'm more like if it's somebody else's idea, I'll find a way to contribute but don't follow through with any ideas of my own. I just don't seem to have it in me to go the extra mile. Maybe I'm doing too much in little pieces so I have no energy to make a significant contribution to any one thing. I'd hate to withdraw from any of them but it pains me to see some of these efforts just floundering in a sea of need and I'm doing too little to help.

Scott Hardie | November 27, 2011
Yeah, but what else can you do? Volunteer your time on a regular basis? Get others involved in supporting the cause? These problems are enormous, and there's very little that one person can really do against them. Don't feel bad about not doing more -- every minute or dollar that you contribute is a good thing.