Movie Pretending

Scott Hardie | April 24, 2011
According to a recent poll, the top five movies that people lie about having seen are The Godfather, Casablanca, Taxi Driver, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Reservoir Dogs. It's weird that four are indisputable classics and the other is, well, a cult hit that might age into a classic if it's lucky. (I'm referring, of course, to Casablanca.) Personally, I've seen all five, but can you really believe me?

Let's have some fun. Without looking up any details, write a brief summary for a famous movie that you've never seen, and we'll find out how close you get. It probably won't turn out to be this funny, but it's worth a shot. I'll get us started.

Steven Spielberg's Jaws starts with some vacationers at the beach who get attacked by a really big shark that is accompanied everywhere it swims by an ominous pair of musical notes. Some fishermen including Richard Dreyfuss decide to kill the shark, so they buy some propane tanks to blow it up, but it takes a bite of half of their boat and they need a bigger one. One of them is named Harry and he has a bad hat. Finally, the giant shark swallows one of the propane tanks and they blow it up, exploding the shark everywhere, although it survives and appears in some sequels.

Steve West | April 24, 2011
My Fair Lady has Professor Henry Higgins making a bet that he can turn a street ho into a sophisticated lady. Audrey Hepburn is the aforementioned street ho, Eliza Doolittle, who speaks with a heavy cockney accent. After numerous classes in diction, etiquette, walking with a book on her head, and much singing and dancing, she passes the test at some kind of debutante ball. Higgins wins the bet but they don't become romantically linked as she still has eyes for the younger men in her life, you dirty old fart.

Samir Mehta | April 25, 2011
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Scott Hardie | April 25, 2011
Friday the 13th is about some college-aged counselors at Camp Crystal Lake who drink beer, go skinny dipping, have sex, and don't spend much time actually taking care of kids. One by one, they're stalked and slain by a serial killer who whispers "choo choo choo" every time we see him hiding in the bushes (his POV). The killer, identifiable by his machete and hockey mask, is believed to be Jason Voorhies, who may or may not have drowned in the lake years earlier. Finally, whichever kid doesn't have sex discovers that the killer is really Jason's mother, who was angry at the camp for letting her son die. They fight and Mom dies. The real Jason goes on to kill many kids in the sequels, and is immortal. The title has nothing to do with the movie; it just sounds cool.

I did not rely on my memory of really terrible NES games to write either of these descriptions.

Jon Berry | April 26, 2011
Tron 2: Featuring a young actor, two Jeff Bridges, Olivia Wylde, and Michael Sheen, in the cyber world of... Tron? Was Tron the world? Anyways, Jeff Bridges, the first, has been trapped, his son has to save him, but I assume there's an evil Jeff Bridges, and they have to duke it out. Lots of bike riding and throwing disks at each other. Unfortunately, I doubt either Jeff Bridges will be drinking a White Russian in it.

Or, from what everyone else has said, the movie is simply about Daft Punk. 2 hours of Daft Punk in 3D, unless I'm mistaken.

Lori Lancaster | April 26, 2011
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