Permission for Presence?

Scott Hardie | March 12, 2002
Kelly and I are working out a problem right now. She has asked me not to post our personal stuff on TC any more, but I think this one's fair. I'd like some advice, please, if you have a moment.

Kelly plays in a gaming group most Friday nights. This is usually run by Dave Craig, sometimes by his girlfriend, neither of whom I want to see. I can be nice to them when I do see them, and they to me, but I think the desire for avoidance is mutual. Dave used to be in our Saturday gaming sessions, but we - including Kelly - kicked him out. (See my "2001 Year in Review" in the archives if you need an explanation.) For reasons that are too complicated to explain here, Kelly still games with Dave in his new group, but I don't, and that's just fine with everybody.

Dave is unemployed and his parents won't let him game at home until he gets a job. They started gaming at Bill's place, but Leslie (Bill's anti-gaming girlfriend) forces them to play in the tiny back room, without adequate space or seating. Kelly now wants to have them here every Friday night. She's in the group, has a place, and is generous.

So am I unfair in not wanting them here? I've said that if there's any of my friends she doesn't want here, fine, better not to let them here at all than to trap us in a small room like Leslie. But Kelly doesn't go for that offer. She wants them here on a regular basis - maybe not every Friday, but more than once, which was my limit. Because I don't like these people and don't want to be around them, I'm trapped in the office all night, or I have to go out to the movies or something.

Am I unfair? Please leave a comment with your thoughts. You can make it anonymous if you want. I won't count karma because that's too easily adjusted. Thanks.

Anna Gregoline | March 12, 2002
If you lived in a bigger place, with more places to escape to, would this be an issue? Just wondering...

Scott Hardie | March 12, 2002
You know what? It wouldn't. Hypothetically, if they played in the bedroom and I didn't see them and only faintly heard them, I wouldn't mind at all. The only downside then would be seeing Dave for isolated moments, but those encounters could be brief and avoidable. But, the point of having them here is to play in our expansive living room, which is not only the place I go when I want to escape from this office, but the room that connects all the other ones in the house. Also, because of the arrangement of furniture, they play right outside the office door, so I can hear almost everything that's said.

Anna Gregoline | March 12, 2002
I don't think it's fair to say Kelly can't have her peeps over at all...especially since you say you wouldn't mind if you had more room to be alone. But I also think that if the situation is that uncomfortable for you, that Kelly should compromise to not have them over so regularly. Would it be alright if this was a once a month thing? I don't know what's involved with this game, but does it require a private home area? Otherwise, perhaps a place off-site could be secured for every other session.

Jackie Mason | March 12, 2002
[hidden by request]

Scott Hardie | March 12, 2002
Here's another factor that may make this all into a moot point: It's no secret that Bill and Leslie's days as a couple are numbered, the only points of contention may be which one of them is moving out, and when. With that considered, Leslie may be out of that apartment in 1-2 weeks, and I see no reason why Bill wouldn't let them over there to game every week if that was the case. If that were a certainty, I would be willing to let them game here until it happened.

Scott Hardie | March 12, 2002
Blank - Your compromise is a good idea. As for off-site gaming, it's not really feasible to do it in a restaurant or public place: Too many distractions and, frankly, too many strangers within earshot.

Jackie - Thanks for the offer, I may take you up on it.

Other people - I'm still happy to take more comments. Thanks for all of them.