Darth Vader Is Alive And Well And Living In My Toaster
by Steve West on November 12, 2008

So we got this gift from a mother-in law who shall remain nameless; a "super-mega-nuclear look at me long enough and your face will melt like that guy in Raiders toaster. There was nothing wrong with our existing toaster but when she saw it on QVC, my nameless mother-in-law had one of those have to have it moments. I've nicknamed the toaster Darth Vader because regardless of the setting, it turns the bread to the dark side every time. Apparently, Sith Lords consider asphalt posing as an english muffin the cornerstone of a nutritious breakfast. I swear, even when I put bread in for just a few seconds, it's like a David Blaine magic trick. In one color and bam! out another just like that! Toaster waffles become hard as waffle irons. Pop Tarts liquify. Brenda says it would insult her nameless mother if we were to replace it and says it's obviously operator error. Operator error my ass. That thing is alive and craves human flesh. I can tell.

Four Replies to Darth Vader Is Alive And Well And Living In My Toaster

Amy Austin | November 12, 2008
LOL... I've only used it a couple of times (I don't cook *or* toast much), but I've been pretty happy with my radio toaster. ;-)

Tony Peters | November 12, 2008
We had a we had a nucular fooderator on the boat that was the death of popcorn....setting didn't matter on that it was always like pop pop pop, burnt waste....

on a side note it cooked all other forms of food just fine

Lori Lancaster | November 12, 2008
[hidden by author request]

Peter Wilhelm | December 13, 2008
that is why I still want a kitchen big enough that i can get the toaster over large enough to cook a 12" pizza. the door is huge. you can see every inch of the toast and yank it as soon as it is just... so... right.

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Flotsam & Jetsam

I always wanted to use that phrase. Crazy ticketers in England. Which anniversary is it appropriate to celebrate at this restaurant? Go »

If It's Human Waste, Save Some For Me

Should Burt Reynolds' fecal matter be worth more than Crispin Glover's? Which costs more: David Lee Roth's fecal matter or Sammy Hagar's urine? Start your Christmas list now for Celebrity Organic Waste Products. Go »

Scott And The Genie

Scott Hardie was walking along the beach one day and discovered an old oil lamp. While rubbing the lamp a genie popped out. The genie said in a loud voice, "I am the genie of the lamp. Go »

Taking Bets for 2021

Volcano? Locusts? Asteroid? Go »

This Was No Boat Accident

Vacation Tip #2: Maybe you're into sharks, pun intended. I, myself, am not. For the longest time this has been my greatest fear; being eaten alive by a wild animal. Go »

Driftwood

Washed up on the shores of my PC. In the spirit of Monty Python & The Holy Grail intro, "Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked have been sacked," comes this notice. Beautiful pictures of a fairly clever notion, holding the sun. Go »