Darth Vader Is Alive And Well And Living In My Toaster
by Steve West on November 12, 2008

So we got this gift from a mother-in law who shall remain nameless; a "super-mega-nuclear look at me long enough and your face will melt like that guy in Raiders toaster. There was nothing wrong with our existing toaster but when she saw it on QVC, my nameless mother-in-law had one of those have to have it moments. I've nicknamed the toaster Darth Vader because regardless of the setting, it turns the bread to the dark side every time. Apparently, Sith Lords consider asphalt posing as an english muffin the cornerstone of a nutritious breakfast. I swear, even when I put bread in for just a few seconds, it's like a David Blaine magic trick. In one color and bam! out another just like that! Toaster waffles become hard as waffle irons. Pop Tarts liquify. Brenda says it would insult her nameless mother if we were to replace it and says it's obviously operator error. Operator error my ass. That thing is alive and craves human flesh. I can tell.
Four Replies to Darth Vader Is Alive And Well And Living In My Toaster
Tony Peters | November 12, 2008
We had a we had a nucular fooderator on the boat that was the death of popcorn....setting didn't matter on that it was always like pop pop pop, burnt waste....
on a side note it cooked all other forms of food just fine
Lori Lancaster | November 12, 2008
[hidden by author request]
Peter Wilhelm | December 13, 2008
that is why I still want a kitchen big enough that i can get the toaster over large enough to cook a 12" pizza. the door is huge. you can see every inch of the toast and yank it as soon as it is just... so... right.
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Creepy Halloween Lodgings
These creepy places to stay during a Halloween vacation may be too late to consider this year but they're not going anywhere soon so keep them in mind for the future. You can't stay in all of these places but for those that you can, there's that extra layer of creepiness. The Haunted Hull House in Chicago. Go »
As The Firm Sang - I'm Radioactive
Brenda is under quarantine now because of an ablation procedure that makes her radioactive. Some stray thyroid tissue is apparently on her oncologist's hit list and he won't be denied. I'm sleeping on the couch for the next three nights and I'm doing the Daddy thing solo for the next three days. Go »
Bunny Revisited
My father-in-law (Norm), whom I adore, went through an emotional ordeal dealing with my mother-in law's (Bunny) illness over a lengthy period before she died in 2016. One of her doctors approached Norm and suggested he write a journal as a coping mechanism. After Bunny's death, the doctor asked Norm to allow himself to be filmed talking about his experience while writing the journal. Go »
I'll Take Potpourri for $1000, Alex
Mix of the best stuff I found this week. More drunk pwned photos. Do you dress like a douchebag? Go »
I'm a Doctor, Not a Kitchen Appliance!
My toaster has a timer on it that let's you know when it's finished. It seems a little silly to add a timer beeping that's a redundant addition to the toast loudly popping up from the machine that means the same thing. So now, because the timer emits a sound eerily similar to an EKG indicating flatline, every time it goes off I'll say to Brenda, "He's bread, Jim." Go »
Amy Austin | November 12, 2008
LOL... I've only used it a couple of times (I don't cook *or* toast much), but I've been pretty happy with my radio toaster. ;-)