Definitely A Hatchet Murderer | Tragic Comedy

My car broke down at an intersection less than a mile from my work. I have roadside assistance but I couldn't read the fine print on the handy card they provided. The fine print was where the number was. It was dark already and the overhead light was little help. So I called Brenda who was with the girls at the PTA fundraising dinner that I was already late for. She had the number and gave it to me and I told her I would call her back when I had made arrangements.

USAA answered the phone after a brief delay (must have been a busy day for breakdowns), and informed me that they could detail a tow truck to me in about an hour. I responded that if I was the President I could get one in fifteen minutes or less, and since I happened to know that he didn't need one they could send me his. She was not amused. One hour, sir. Fine.

So I'm sitting at this intersection with my hazard lights blinking their little asses off but still having to wave honking vehicles around. This is a very immigrant heavy area of the state and it made me wonder if they hadn't gotten to that section in the ESL class yet. It was amazing to me how many police cars went screaming through the intersection in front of me during that period. 6? 7? 12??? A pair of local city cops did pull up and help me push the sumbitch to the side of the road so as to not block traffic. They pushed it next to a fire hydrant and it made me wonder if this was a city fundraising ploy.

One hour later, the tow truck arrived. It was one of those flatbed type trucks that give your car a ride instead of those old-fashioned ones that hook and drag. Conversation with the driver was nerve-wracking to say the least. Brad is the aforementioned hatchet murderer. Or at least he seemed uninhibited to describe in great detail his anger management issues and homicidal thoughts. I was content to agree with everything he said. Yes Brad, those bully kids in High School deserve decapitation. Those teachers that gave you undeserved failing grades - water torture. I'm silently praying the whole time to help me survive this psycho ride so I can revel in the huge repair bill that awaits. He gets me to the Goodyear place and Brenda rescues me from Brad who is content to wait with me for her arrival. No no! That isn't necessary Brad, We live only ten minutes from here! So I survived the 1/2 hour drive (God, was it only 1/2 hour?), and lived to blog about it.

One Reply to Definitely A Hatchet Murderer

Scott Hardie | April 9, 2011
Sorry to hear about the trouble. It sounds similar to our own recent experiences of waiting at mile marker 213 on the interstate (we can see our office from here!) for an hour to be towed, although our driver was friendlier. The fuel gauge broke and told us we still had 3/8 tank remaining as we sputtered to a stop on the shoulder. After a week of the car sitting with an unbelievably rude dealer, we drove it away but it still needed work at another shop, due to worn-out brake pads and a nail in the tire. I swear this car is still under some kind of GooCon curse that requires a new tire at least once a year. It just broke down again a few weeks later and we just got back from the shop, now over $1000 in recent repairs on a car that's only a few years old. This will almost certainly be my last Dodge.

Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Mother's Day Gifts

As an honor to Brenda, we got her some plants for the house and lawn. Nice plants. All now dead from neglect. Go »

Like Mother Teresa, Only Better

If you recognize the title of this post, then you are already familiar with Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess. I had the opportunity to meet her, briefly, at the Barnes & Noble book signing in Annapolis this weekend. She was larger than life and incredibly funny as she adlibbed before reading a selection from her book, Let's Pretend This Never Happened. Go »

Let Loose The Pigeons!

I got a phone call today from my Service Coordinator of Prince George's County officially welcoming me and my daughter, Olivia, into the Autism Waiver program - a state funded program intended for families with an autistic child offering funds for state approved services such as Aqua therapy, Occupational community trips, Speech therapy and even respite for Brenda and I. This has been a nine year wait since getting a diagnosis for Olivia at age 2. The waiting list is horrific. Go »

Have I Mentioned How Much I Love My Wife?

I got a surprise visit from Amy Austin today. She was passing through Maryland on her way to Florida and took the time to call me from the road. I was thrilled that she thought of me being in the area and invited her to visit for what could only be a brief visit. Go »

My First Baby Got Married

WE ARE BACK! What a trip. Five flights, countless hours in layovers, endless treks from gate to gate, sometimes in limited timeframes, no meals except for snacks on the planes and no Wi-fi! Go »