Recent conversation with Brenda:

Brenda: You look so busy. What are you working on now?

Me: An advertisement for a cologne for introverts that hasn't been created yet. Gonna need help with that part. Chanel... Dior, maybe.

Brenda: What's so special about it?

Me: Right now, just the name.

Brenda: What's it called?

Me: LEAVE ME, THE FA COLOGNE.

Brenda: You better hope for a lot of on-line sales.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Double Talk with a Forked Tongue

I've decided that from now on, I'm going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. Friend (voter): "Steve, what are you gonna do this weekend?" Me (blahblahblah): "That's a great question and an important one. Go »

Scott And The Genie

Scott Hardie was walking along the beach one day and discovered an old oil lamp. While rubbing the lamp a genie popped out. The genie said in a loud voice, "I am the genie of the lamp. Go »

What'd I Step In?

Things stuck to the bottom of my internet shoe. Things not to do while wearing briefs made of beef jerky. (Besides wearing briefs made of beef jerky) Venezuelans believe children should not watch The Simpsons, offer more wholesome fare instead. Go »

Brenda's Diet Diary

Dear Diet Diary, As a Christmas present this year, my daughter, Lauren (what a thoughtful darling), bought me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in reasonable shape since being a high school cheerleader 40 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Juan Antonio (ooh what a name) who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Go »

Modern Decision Making

Yesterday, I e-mailed a psychiatrist and a tattoo artist. Whoever gets back to me first, wins. And that's how we do self-care in the Year of Our Lord 2025. Go »

Unspoken Cultural Differences

Various hand gestures mean different things, depending on where in the world you happen to be. This guide to unspoken communication may be invaluable to those globetrotters out there. Go »