Recent conversation with Brenda:

Brenda: I just watched a guy do 50 push-ups. Can you do that?

Me: Sure. I don't mean to brag, but I could watch a guy do 100 push-ups.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Not Halloween But Pretty Scary

Imagine a band composed entirely of ukeleles and a guitar or two. Scared yet? Now imagine that band performing rock songs. Go »

Christmas and a Lizard's Tale

One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »

If It's Human Waste, Save Some For Me

Should Burt Reynolds' fecal matter be worth more than Crispin Glover's? Which costs more: David Lee Roth's fecal matter or Sammy Hagar's urine? Start your Christmas list now for Celebrity Organic Waste Products. Go »

You Make Life Worth Living

Recently, I attended a wedding for some close friends of mine. The reception featured a DJ who doubled as emcee announcing what was happening and what would happen next. After doing the stupid chicken dance and the hokey pokey, he tried to create a “feel good” moment for the newlyweds. Go »

Auntie Em! It's a Twister, It's a Twister!

What the wind blew in this week. According to this chart, Rambo V will have someone die in the first minute of the film and five deaths per minute following. It's official, Robin Williams has turned into a troll. Go »

The Texas Chili Cook-Off

Recently, at a Bowie Baysox baseball game, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Texas chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last minute, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans, probably) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3. Go »