Recent conversation with Brenda:

(After a massage and dinner as a birthday gift from her sister) me: How was everything?

Brenda: I'm gonna be sore for the next few days. I made the mistake of asking for medium pressure.

me: I guess each massage parlor has its own definition of pressure like restaurants have for medium rare. Now the massage parlor I go to...

Brenda: I don't want to hear about the massage parlor you go to.

me: But they're the best! I think they invented the extremely localized shiatsu massage technique. They use it to squeeze bills from your wallet. Where was dinner?

Brenda: Don Pablo's (a local mexican restaurant).

me: I hope dinner was after the massage 'cause if you eat mexican and then have a beefy swedish lady squeeze you...

Brenda: Dinner was after the massage so stop now.

me: I'm just sayin'. So what was the massage lady wearing?

Brenda: I'm going away now.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Things Remembered

When I was in kindergarten, a girl brought a doll to class. It was so pretty that even the boys liked it. Everyone played with it but I was the one who broke it. Go »

Lauren Peeks Into Imelda's Closet

Lauren is at Summer Camp until tomorrow and while she was gone, I sent her a card. It's become traditional for the card to be "shoe-themed". This year, the outside of the card featured a picture of the president awarding her a prize. Go »

Little Hoover Dam Break

This week's mini-flood o' links. Ridiculous weatherman names. These are real. Go »

Definitely A Hatchet Murderer

My car broke down at an intersection less than a mile from my work. I have roadside assistance but I couldn't read the fine print on the handy card they provided. The fine print was where the number was. Go »

The Texas Chili Cook-Off

Recently, at a Bowie Baysox baseball game, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Texas chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last minute, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans, probably) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3. Go »

Post-vacation Blues

Without going into great detail, my co-workers are muddle-brained knuckleheads that make the Keystone Kops look like a Mensa meeting. Federal sanctions are not that far-fetched. Changes will be made soon. Go »