Recent conversation with Brenda:

(After a massage and dinner as a birthday gift from her sister) me: How was everything?

Brenda: I'm gonna be sore for the next few days. I made the mistake of asking for medium pressure.

me: I guess each massage parlor has its own definition of pressure like restaurants have for medium rare. Now the massage parlor I go to...

Brenda: I don't want to hear about the massage parlor you go to.

me: But they're the best! I think they invented the extremely localized shiatsu massage technique. They use it to squeeze bills from your wallet. Where was dinner?

Brenda: Don Pablo's (a local mexican restaurant).

me: I hope dinner was after the massage 'cause if you eat mexican and then have a beefy swedish lady squeeze you...

Brenda: Dinner was after the massage so stop now.

me: I'm just sayin'. So what was the massage lady wearing?

Brenda: I'm going away now.


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

No Clowns On Halloween Allowed At My Door

Or "How Ronald McDonald Kicked My Ass" About ten years ago, shortly before Brenda and I got married, we attended a Halloween party at a friend's house. The primary reason to get together was obviously to dress up like we did when we were little but secondarily to get drunk as a sailor on shore leave. The standard "funny name" cocktails were offered like "sex on the beach" and "southern screw" and "raw sewage". Go »

Christmas Post #11: Niche Market Dolls

In Waiting For Guffman, Christopher Guest play acts with his My Dinner With Andre action figures. That was the funniest moment of the film for me. I could see something similar happening with almost any of the dolls in this collection. Go »

Such As It Is...

Best stuff I found this midweek. Funny homeless signs here and here. Music Roamer is an imaginative site that creates links to artists, similar artists, albums and other stuff. Go »

Let's Hope The Dog Doesn't Like To Chew On Stuff

The baby's a little fussy - I know, let's give her Mom's ashes. Talk about a niche market. I expect some may find this adorable and clever, I just find it creepy. Go »

Christmas and a Lizard's Tale

One Christmas when Lauren was eight, like a lot of girls her age, wished for a pony. My backyard at the time was about the size of a Volkswagen Minibus. Despite her assurances that she would let it roam the neighborhood for sufficient exercise, I said, “Not this year,” as I pictured myself following the horse with a pooper scooper. Go »

Never Volunteer, Dummy

Ever since seeing Anthony Hopkins in Magic, ventriloquists and their evil dummies have given me the creeps. This guy does as well but I laughed nonetheless. I think I could sit through his entire act but could never get past the queasiness and actually volunteer like this guy did. Go »