My First Baby Got Married
by Steve West on July 18, 2020
WE ARE BACK!
What a trip. Five flights, countless hours in layovers, endless treks from gate to gate, sometimes in limited timeframes, no meals except for snacks on the planes and no Wi-fi! Masks were required on planes and in airports - about 11 hours in the air and 9 hours in terminals made for 20 hours of mask wearing. Add to that a completely bizarre flight path that took from Baltimore south to Atlanta before heading north to Minneapolis and then to North Dakota. The return flight was more direct going from North Dakota to Minnesota and then to Baltimore.
ALL WORTH IT!
The hardest part was the stop in Minneapolis where our connecting flight was at a gate on the other side of the airport. This airport is heyuge covering 3000 acres. I can't relate to acres so I converted that to football fields and found it equivalent to 2200 of those sumbitches. Brenda thoughtfully arranged for wheelchair service for me so when we got off the plane, Delta had a motorized cart waiting. When the driver found out where we needed to be, he hit the gas. Weaving through people is obviously not the same as car traffic and the driver showed how often he's done this by moving swiftly and not injuring any foot traffic. When we got to the gate, they wheeled us down the ramp because the flight was waiting for us. They closed the door, we buckled in, and the plane took off. In this day and age, I no longer carry cash, relying on my plastic. I felt kinda sad that I couldn't tip him and told him so. He was very gracious but you could see that he felt he had earned a tip.
When we got to Grand Forks, ND, the car rental place didn't have the vehicle we had reserved so they upgraded us to a new Ford Explorer. This truck was almost as big as the Minneapolis airport or at least seemed comparable to a Humvee. I gave the keys to Brenda and wished her luck. It had some interesting features like automatic running boards (for ease of entry) that came out of the sides like landing gear and retracted when the doors closed. The gearshift took a little searching to find because it wasn't a stick off the steering column. It turned out to be a twist dial on the central console. While Brenda searched and located other controls to turn on lights, turn signals and other important stuff, I turned my attention to the Machiavellian GPS. I had the address of the hotel and finally figured out how to program it into the thing, no thanks to Siri.
So many Midwest towns are small and we were at our hotel in about 15 minutes. There we were finally reunited with Lauren. She was staying with her In-Laws in an adjacent room during the time before her wedding as opposed to her future home that her fiancée Jon was living in on Grand Forks Air Force Base. She was sharing a room with Mother-in-Law, Dawn, While Father-in-Law, Don, shared a room with their son, Ian.
We arrived too late to attend the rehearsal but made it to the rehearsal dinner. Priorities. After chatting with Lauren, we went to a restaurant called "The Ground Round" - a slightly upscale hamburger type place. There were about 14-15 people there. Besides me, Brenda, Lauren and the chaplain, the rest were Farquhars, most of whom were unknown to me prior tp dinner. Dinner conversation was a little limited as it was numerically dominated by family members who had shared experiences. Many of them had military backgrounds (including a handful of officers) and that topic really dominated the conversation. My only contribution to that topic was that I came from a long line of draft dodgers and contented myself with partaking of the copious bowls of buttered popcorn. I couldn't tell if they knew I was joking. After dinner, I took the chaplain aside to discuss payment. He insisted that because he was the base chaplain, his services were at no charge. I told him that it was traditional to pay the officiant for his services. So we agreed that I could make a contribution to benefit the chapel. So I wrote a check in his name and said if he wanted those funds to go to the chapel then he was free to do so.
We then went to the Base to arrange a 24-hour pass for Brenda and I. We were fine but had no record of the rental car. We were driving with Don because he was sponsoring our visit. He's apparently some big muckety-muck officer in their spy organization. I can tell you that the soldiers at the gate were deferring to him a great deal. We got our pass and went to see where Lauren and Jon would live on Base. They occupied a house that I don't know the architectural word for. Two houses from one with a separating wall is a duplex. Theirs was four houses created from one long house with separating walls. They had the left end unit and it turned out to be a lot more spacious than it appeared from the outside. It had three levels; living room, kitchen, bath and a separate dining area on the main floor; two bedrooms and bath upstairs; and a den and laundry downstairs. The rooms were well-sized and they had a significant backyard and garage. I was pretty pleased. Our plane had landed at 5:00 PM so it was pretty late after finding the hotel, reuning with Lauren, going to dinner, getting Base passes and seeing Lauren's house. It was after 10:00 PM and we still had to drive back to the hotel from Base and get up early enough to be back on Base at 8:30 AM to help prepare for the wedding at 10:00 AM. All of this after the long trip there made me exhausted.
WEDDING DAY
I was up and ready to leave by 8:00 AM. Brenda not so much. She finally got herself together and we grabbed breakfast food from the hotel buffet and were on the road by 8:30. Thankfully we didn't get caught by the train that runs regularly through town and made it by 9:00 am. The Base entrance did not look the same as the prior evening with flashing lights and a coned entrance that directed you to a detour. The detour led to a hut that said, "Enter Here". Brenda, thinking this was for military personnel, bypassed the hut. It was for all visitors, including us. A soldier raced from the hut brandishing his rifle and commanded us to STOP! in as nice a way as an armed and ready to fire soldier can be. He really was polite about it as he scanned under our car with some portable bomb detecting equipment or maybe just a camera. So we explained to Don later that we would have been earlier except we almost took fire at the gate. Brenda went to help the others getting Lauren dressed. My only responsibility wouldn't come until 10:00 when I escorted Lauren down the aisle. I was to position myself in the foyer of the chapel and await her arrival. That was in an hour so I busied myself looking at the decorations in the attached building where the staff offices and open area where the reception would occur. I was selfishly pleased that Lauren had used a few items I had gifted her as decorations. I had given her some half-sized mason jars with decorative hand-made lids. She had filled them with rose colored papier-mâché petals and used them as centerpieces. I also crafted a wine bottle filled with a string of LED lights lit by a battery hidden in the cork. This she had placed on the table reserved for the wedding party. The reception had no planned meal - just cake. No DJ was hired as Lauren had downloaded all the music required onto a mix tape that included Mendelssohn's Wedding March, Wagner's Bridal Chorus, Pachelbel's Canon in D, In My Life by the Beatles for our dance and Can't Help Falling in Love by Presley for her dance with Jon. I got a chance to speak with the chaplain to clarify my role in the ceremony and met and paid the photographer.
Later, Dawn showed up to give me my boutonniere. The groomsmen showed up in their kilts (Scottish Wedding) and Jon's friends on Base in their uniforms. Don's shoes had a blowout that removed both soles but Dawn was able to repair them with Super Glue. I withheld any joking as he was embarrassed and nervous about it all and he was carrying a knife that the ceremonial kilts included tucked into the sock. I took up my station and Lauren arrived shortly thereafter.
I've posted a video of the ceremony on Facebook. It was a beautiful ceremony with their vows shared with the congregation as repeated from the chaplain with private vows they had composed that they would recite only to themselves later in private. I spoke the words required as father of the bride as did Brenda and I in unison later. I then lifted Lauren's veil and presented her to her soon-to-be spouse. Then I merely had to sit and witness. Brenda was on the altar as her maid-of-honor so I sat alone with my thoughts of the journey Lauren had taken from infancy to childhood to becoming a young woman at this ceremony today. The reception, although spartan was just what Lauren wanted. Ice cream cake instead of the traditional tiered cake and very little dancing. Our dance was bittersweet in that I didn't want it to end but the final notes sounded too quickly. We both quietly shared how much we loved each other and cried a few tears but got ourselves together before the song finished. It was appropriate to sing to her the lyrics from the song, "In my life, I'll love you more"... Jon and Lauren stayed for quite a bit before leaving for their honeymoon in Minot, a nearby town. We helped clean up and left ourselves.
Later, Dawn came to our room with big sheets of decorative paper. She handed me one and explained that others were also writing their advice and words of wisdom on what makes a successful marriage. She put me on the spot by saying she would pick it up later in the evening (this was about 7:00 PM). She didn't expect the paper to be filled (that would make a novella) because others would write on it as well, perhaps, and then they'd add pictures. They would be staying a few more days and could accomplish this during that time. I thought long for the right phrasing and came up with this:
Never regret a single day of your marriage.
The GOOD days bring HAPPINESS.
The BAD days provide EXAMPLES.
The WORST days give LESSONS.
The BEST days make MEMORIES.
The next morning we had to rise early as our flight left at 6:20 AM and we still had the car to return. Brenda was surprisingly on time and we left with plenty of time to spare. Good thing because we were almost immediately stuck at the aforementioned railroad crossing. Fifteen minutes impatiently watching a hundred boxcars go by at 5 miles per hour. At one point the train stopped and began going in the opposite direction. I feared it was backing up but it turned out it was backing up when we arrived and the change in direction was the train actually going forward. We still made it in time and were basically sitting around a near empty terminal for almost an hour. This is really a small airport although it's classified as international. It's about the same size as an average High School. TSA wasn't even there yet. They opened at 6:00 for our boarding at 6:05. However, they were the most diligent about inspecting the contents of Brenda's purse. Something apparently bugged them on the x-ray so they were removing the contents a piece at a time. Man, talk about clown cars and their endless passengers! Her purse looked like it weighed more than the carry-on I was lugging around because of the amount of critically important stuff she carries around with her. They even went through the contents of her wallet. Me - nothin'. At least they were quick about it. I deferred saying that it was a good thing you left that joint at home.
The return flight was more direct with only one stop in Minnesota but the layover was for 3 hours. There's about a thousand stores in that airport but nearly all were closed at 7:00 in the morning. A steakhouse with the very clever name of The Cook and the Ox was closed. A confectioner was closed but you could schedule an appointment. Thank God! Sometimes you just have to have chocolate covered Gummy Worms at 3:00 AM! One store I was interested in (but closed) was called "Frivolous". It's slogan was Wonderfully Unnecessary. But alas, their stock of wares remains a mystery. McDonald's, of course, was open so I settled for an orange juice. We eventually boarded and sat in our First Class seats (I splurged). Plenty of legroom, yes. Personal message delivered by the pilot, yes. Other than that, that was the end of the perks. I was expecting a sauna, maybe, or a celebrity hostess. Perhaps Melania was busy. Oh! And we got served a special snack box that the poor folks in Economy seating didn't get. Wow! Salami slices and cheese spread for my Wheat Thins and a Milano cookie. It doesn't get any better than this except in an average aisle at 7-Eleven. I guess they had run out of beluga caviar, foie gras and smoked salmon. No champagne was offered although I could get some wine or a Bud Light. Except for the extra leg room and definitely wider seats, it's really not worth it.
We rode smoothly except for some brief turbulence near Baltimore but no wheelchair service was waiting. I wasn't connecting so Delta said, "You're on your own, pal." We actually found one unattended and used it to go outside where arrivals could be picked up. Richard arrived in about 15 minutes. Thanks! After listening to him eat for 3/4 of the ride, (nothing for us but he brought me a warm Coke in an unrefrigerated can) we finally (finally!) made it home. Olivia was angry and throwing a hissy fit when we arrived but I gave her a dozen kisses and laid down for a nap. Brenda chatted with her sister, Rhonda, who kindly cared for Olivia for the three days we were gone and then joined me for a well-deserved rest.
So, it's not an empty nest with Richard being here for possibly several more months and Olivia is well... Olivia. But a gigantic hole has been cut into my heart. I know it's supposed to happen this way and it was remarkably joyous for me to see how happy Lauren was and hopefully remains. But inside, I'm shattered. It's sadly ironic that you spend your whole life as a parent, willingly sacrificing time, energy and resources to help your child grow into a successful adult and are so crushed when it actually happens. It's doubly hard when the child you adore is such a blessing. It creates such a devastating void by her absence. Why did I make such a good kid? I have nothing but the fondest of memories of her growth from infant to child to young woman. Those memories will not only last for my entire life but give me assurances of her happy, successful future.
One Reply to My First Baby Got Married
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Scott Hardie | July 20, 2020
I was curious enough to look it up: Lauren and Jon's house on base can be called a fourplex, quadruplex, or multiplex, according to Wikipedia.
Those are very thoughtful words of advice, especially considering your final two sentences. Well said.
Thanks for sharing all of this. What a whirlwind. "All worth it" is right. :-)