Oh lord, new worry, what if I'm a narcissist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder

"NPD is considered to result from a person’s belief that he or she is flawed in a way that makes the person fundamentally unacceptable to others [8]. This belief is held below the person’s conscious awareness; such a person would typically deny thinking such a thing if questioned."

It doesn't fit altogether, I definitely believe I am flawed and fundamentally unacceptable but I am consciously aware of it and would not deny thinking such a thing if asked. I try to avoid any grandiosity, but sometimes I do have these cocky internal feelings. I do need lots of reassurance. I *get* tons of reassurance. I get told I'm great and I feel ashamed hearing it because I truly don't believe I'm great. Do people tell me I'm great all the time just because I go about fishing for it all the time? Perhaps I secretly seek to be told that all the time and that's why I hear it all the time?

Whatever's wrong with me I have the feeling it's one of those where I'd have to be locked up in a mental ward having myself brainwashed for 5 years in order to come out cured. Haha.

Here I am trying to seek narcissistic supply in the form of people telling me, "No, Denise, you're not a narcissist". haha. Well I'll disallow comments just to make myself appear less of a narcissist. There's no avoiding it really though.


Prayer for the Paranoid

Denise Sawicki posts whatever she feels able to post without serious consequences Read more »

Late Halloween post

Well now that my little goo is expired I can mention how our Halloween party went. I think it went OK. A few people knew who we were pretending to be. Go »

Weather - the most boring conversational topic?!?

Well, perhaps not if you live in ND, I dunno. There's snow on the ground *and* dandelions in the lawn right now. That's a first, at least in my memory. Go »

Gross jelly beans

So, we all know I am a little juvenile for my age. We went and purchased some Beanboozled jelly beans a while back - the box comes with a mix of good flavors and disgusting flavors but you can't tell the difference until you eat them because the color is the same. I was apprehensive but most of the flavors I tried were really not that bad. Go »

A wish

You know, it would be nice to be the kind of person who could sometimes do or say things *without* regretting them. I think that would be on my top three list of wishes :) Just to turn off a part of my brain. It's really freakin cold out. Go »

Nostalgia from TV shows

We're watching some high school shows lately, notably Freaks and Geeks, which I love, also My So-Called Life which I hesitate to admit I find hard to get into... Anyway Freaks and Geeks sure makes me jealous of the friendships those characters had in high school. Nobody would ever make a show about my high school experience. Go »

door to door salesperson

Well last night I had somewhat of a weird experience when this wacky lady came to our door to sell some cleaning supplies for $37 a bottle... I normally do not buy anything from solicitors but she had me flustered and I was cracking up at everything she was saying... Didn't want to send her away empty handed after her lengthy comedy show. Go »