Oh lord, new worry, what if I'm a narcissist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder

"NPD is considered to result from a person’s belief that he or she is flawed in a way that makes the person fundamentally unacceptable to others [8]. This belief is held below the person’s conscious awareness; such a person would typically deny thinking such a thing if questioned."

It doesn't fit altogether, I definitely believe I am flawed and fundamentally unacceptable but I am consciously aware of it and would not deny thinking such a thing if asked. I try to avoid any grandiosity, but sometimes I do have these cocky internal feelings. I do need lots of reassurance. I *get* tons of reassurance. I get told I'm great and I feel ashamed hearing it because I truly don't believe I'm great. Do people tell me I'm great all the time just because I go about fishing for it all the time? Perhaps I secretly seek to be told that all the time and that's why I hear it all the time?

Whatever's wrong with me I have the feeling it's one of those where I'd have to be locked up in a mental ward having myself brainwashed for 5 years in order to come out cured. Haha.

Here I am trying to seek narcissistic supply in the form of people telling me, "No, Denise, you're not a narcissist". haha. Well I'll disallow comments just to make myself appear less of a narcissist. There's no avoiding it really though.


Prayer for the Paranoid

Denise Sawicki posts whatever she feels able to post without serious consequences Read more »

American Gothic

Well, for quite a while I have had nothing to say to anyone about anything and it is getting a bit claustrophobic. So I figured I should start saying some things into the void, dumb and trivial as they might be. A while back there was a video store closing sale so we picked up a number of TV series on DVD at 75% off. Go »

Office Party

Last weekend we went to an office party at my boss's lake house. We took Philip and he got along famously with my boss's dog, Willow, who is half greyhound and half husky. I like Willow quite a bit. Go »

Sorry about that extra tall image

Sorry I screwed up the obsessions page with that tall image. But it is true, I have a new obsession. Gee... Go »

Flood

So... not sure exactly why I live in this ridiculous state of North Dakota. I can tell myself that we're better off than California much of the time but who's to say? Go »

I didn't like Brokeback Mountain

I know I'm a number of years too late to be talking about this, but I finally happened to see Brokeback Mountain and I have to say I didn't like it terribly much. Yes, I realize this is an extremely unpopular opinion to the point of being just plain wrong as an objective fact. Note, I do not have a problem with gay people or gay behavior. Go »

I wish I wasn't such a freakin idiot about cars

Seems like every time I need an oil change they want to do $600 of service on my car even though it's running fine. It's getting so I absolutely dread oil changes because I feel like such an idiot not knowing what I really need done to the stupid car and I feel like an asshole if I say anything about it. I hate my stupid car. Go »