When I flew to Fargo a while back for Denise's wedding, I woke up at 2am to be out the door by 3am to get to Tampa by 4am to check in by 5am for a 6am flight. I stepped into the long Delta check-in line an hour and fifteen minutes before my flight, but I was concerned at the signs all over the place saying I would be turned away if I arrived less than an hour before the flight. Sure enough, it took me half an hour to get through the line, and the rude Delta clerk refused to let me on the plane even though I could easily make it to the gate in time. I wound up sitting around the airport for hours and lost a whole day of my visit to Fargo, arriving that evening instead of that morning. I was ready to swear never to fly Delta again, and now I wish I'd done so.

What kind of operation are they running? The flight from Sarasota to Atlanta last night took forever to get off the ground, flew longer than was scheduled, and then sat on the ground for a seeming eternity. (Yes, this is largely the airport's fault.) I hustled as quickly as my aching legs could carry my fat ass to the next gate and arrived with five minutes to spare, but the door was closed and they wouldn't admit me. The plane was still sitting right there at the gate with people taking their seats, but "the door is closed" is apparently eternal law once enacted. I had to sit for 90 minutes to catch the next flight to Milwaukee, a puddle jumper that was the single most painful flight I've ever taken. My mom is a petite woman compared to me (photo), but even she would have had her elbow in the next person's face in this sliver of a seat. I had it so bad that even crammed against the window, my other arm was so far into the next seat that the woman beside me spent the two-hour flight doubled over reading her book at her knees. The armrests carved into my thighs and my butt wasn't even actually touching the seat. I realize I'm much bigger than the ordinary traveler and I expect pain when I fly, but this was ridiculous; I can't imagine a normal person fitting into this arrangement. I was on the verge of tears halfway through; I don't know if I could have made it if they hadn't arrived a half hour early. I sure hope I'm not stuck on another one for the return trip.

It's been great fun since I landed, though. Matt and I stayed up till 5am laughing and reminiscing and dropping bombshells about our new selves, most of which I shouldn't share here. We're off to visit old friends in Illinois tonight and return tomorrow for video-game shopping and General-Tso's-eating. Photos when I get back.


Two Replies to Screw Delta (Gotta Rant)

Jackie Mason | October 6, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Scott Hardie | October 6, 2006
Hear, hear. Try investigating other airlines. I flew Airtran for each of my recent trips to Chicago and got used to upgrading to business class at the ticket counter for $50, and so I was a bit surprised when I flew Delta to Milwaukee and asked to upgrade and was told it would cost hundreds of dollars. Here's sticking to Airtran.


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Pug Life

A friend recently contacted Kelly and me out of the blue to ask if we could take care of her dog for six days while she was on vacation, since the arranged sitter was suddenly unavailable. Neither Kelly nor I have experience taking care of dogs, and we're definitely not dog people. I was attacked by a dog when I was little and I've never been comfortable around them, especially any dog large enough to leap up from the ground and reach my face with its teeth. Go »

The Devil and David Hasselhoff

Thanks, JP. Go »

Bad for Business

CNN Money published an interesting look at the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business in the year 2006. Go »

House Hunted

I'm not superstitious, or I wouldn't say this until the closing next month: Kelly and I are buying a house. It's a great house, too, with a guest bedroom and a pool, and the neighbor training horses in the back yard every day, and plenty of room for just about whatever we'd want to do with it, at a lower price than similar houses around here. It's not a hundred percent perfect but damn if it ain't close. Go »

Where the Hell I Have Been All Year, Part I

It's been a long hibernation and I'm ready to come out of the cave and see daylight again. For various reasons, I wouldn't talk about why I wasn't around much, and I didn't enjoy being secretive like that, especially since all three were sources of happiness for me. Anyway, I promised recently that I was about to come out of the closet concerning the three things that have occupied so much of my 2006, and it's time now. Go »

Milwaukee's Best

Today I learned a valuable lesson: Don't quote that line from Wayne's World about "mill-you-wock-AY" to a native of that city. It's like asking them to bring you a cheese wheel when they visit: You deserve a kick in the balls for it. I learned this while planning my visit to the city this weekend for beer, brats, Packers, and oh yeah, Matthew Preston. Go »