When I flew to Fargo a while back for Denise's wedding, I woke up at 2am to be out the door by 3am to get to Tampa by 4am to check in by 5am for a 6am flight. I stepped into the long Delta check-in line an hour and fifteen minutes before my flight, but I was concerned at the signs all over the place saying I would be turned away if I arrived less than an hour before the flight. Sure enough, it took me half an hour to get through the line, and the rude Delta clerk refused to let me on the plane even though I could easily make it to the gate in time. I wound up sitting around the airport for hours and lost a whole day of my visit to Fargo, arriving that evening instead of that morning. I was ready to swear never to fly Delta again, and now I wish I'd done so.

What kind of operation are they running? The flight from Sarasota to Atlanta last night took forever to get off the ground, flew longer than was scheduled, and then sat on the ground for a seeming eternity. (Yes, this is largely the airport's fault.) I hustled as quickly as my aching legs could carry my fat ass to the next gate and arrived with five minutes to spare, but the door was closed and they wouldn't admit me. The plane was still sitting right there at the gate with people taking their seats, but "the door is closed" is apparently eternal law once enacted. I had to sit for 90 minutes to catch the next flight to Milwaukee, a puddle jumper that was the single most painful flight I've ever taken. My mom is a petite woman compared to me (photo), but even she would have had her elbow in the next person's face in this sliver of a seat. I had it so bad that even crammed against the window, my other arm was so far into the next seat that the woman beside me spent the two-hour flight doubled over reading her book at her knees. The armrests carved into my thighs and my butt wasn't even actually touching the seat. I realize I'm much bigger than the ordinary traveler and I expect pain when I fly, but this was ridiculous; I can't imagine a normal person fitting into this arrangement. I was on the verge of tears halfway through; I don't know if I could have made it if they hadn't arrived a half hour early. I sure hope I'm not stuck on another one for the return trip.

It's been great fun since I landed, though. Matt and I stayed up till 5am laughing and reminiscing and dropping bombshells about our new selves, most of which I shouldn't share here. We're off to visit old friends in Illinois tonight and return tomorrow for video-game shopping and General-Tso's-eating. Photos when I get back.


Two Replies to Screw Delta (Gotta Rant)

Jackie Mason | October 6, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Scott Hardie | October 6, 2006
Hear, hear. Try investigating other airlines. I flew Airtran for each of my recent trips to Chicago and got used to upgrading to business class at the ticket counter for $50, and so I was a bit surprised when I flew Delta to Milwaukee and asked to upgrade and was told it would cost hundreds of dollars. Here's sticking to Airtran.


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Scottish Highlands

Seeing a man in a kilt, the thought occurred to me, "Ha ha! I wonder if anybody has come up with 'upkilt' porn?" Then I checked online. Go »

Blood Lines

A few weeks ago, I dropped a glass bottle of salad dressing on the kitchen floor, making the house smell like vinaigrette for a day. Today, I stepped on the last errant bit of glass hiding in a crack of tile by the corner. Better my foot than the cat's paw, I guess; I don't lick between my toes. Go »

Intruder Alert

At 5:30am I was awakened by the doorbell and the sound of someone fumbling with my door. Through the peephole, I watched a young man desperately trying to pick the deadbolt. After a couple of minutes, he gave up and stumbled off towards the other apartments. Go »

I Am Not Larry David

Last night, Kelly and I joined some friends from work at Tropicana Field to watch the Rays lose to the Blue Jays, something we do from time to time. In the second inning, I caught a foul ball that came wildly bouncing around our section. Everybody in our group got a kick out of it, and I savored the feeling. Go »

When Erik Met Matthew

The spark for the idea came during the pandemic, when we here on Funeratic decided to try some Zoom conversations and games. Two people who I admire for (among other things) their ability to converse quickly and freely with strangers and to get along instantly with seemingly anyone, Erik Bates and Matthew Preston, talked to each other for the first time and of course they hit it off immediately. I knew I wasn't imagining it, because other people on the call remarked on it. Go »

iMenus

I think we just experienced the future of restaurants. I thought that once before, and it turned out to be true, but in that case the trend was years late coming to Sarasota after large cultural centers like New York and Los Angeles. We might be a few years behind on this new trend as well, but I still see it becoming commonplace. Go »