"Back when I sold real estate, I used to touch up the houses myself. It was a tough market, there wasn't money to pay for it. Anyway, this one house, I have the damnedest time getting the color in the living room right. It has this ugly buttery yellow paint on the walls. I try adding more white, and it looks like cheese popcorn. I try adding more yellow, and it looks like runny eggs. It's nasty."

"Oof. I can picture that."

"Yeah. So this couple buys the place, and before they move in I tell them I have to work on it a little more. I keep trying different shades and I can't get it right. Finally I run out of time and I hand it over to them, and I keep waiting for them to be pissed about it. One day, the phone rings, and it's the guy who bought it. He says, 'Richard, we have to talk about the paint in the living room.' I swallow and say, 'Yeah?' He says, 'My wife and I LOVE this color. How did you get such a beautiful shade? We want to paint all of the rooms this color. Please tell us where we can buy it.'"


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Scottish Highlands

Seeing a man in a kilt, the thought occurred to me, "Ha ha! I wonder if anybody has come up with 'upkilt' porn?" Then I checked online. Go »

Sinners and Losers

Last week, Katherine Harris publicly denounced the first amendment, calling it "a lie" and said that we were supposed to be a nation of religious law. She also said that not to vote for a Christian is to vote for sin. (link) Apparently in Florida that gets you elected: Yesterday she enjoyed a landslide 50% victory over her competitors in the Senate Republican primary despite a bumbling campaign. Go »

House Hunted

I'm not superstitious, or I wouldn't say this until the closing next month: Kelly and I are buying a house. It's a great house, too, with a guest bedroom and a pool, and the neighbor training horses in the back yard every day, and plenty of room for just about whatever we'd want to do with it, at a lower price than similar houses around here. It's not a hundred percent perfect but damn if it ain't close. Go »

Signs and Wonders

Driving through Georgia now. Just passed a plain yellow billboard saying The God with Moral Fault, amazon.com. Hidden agenda? Go »

Dumb Question

Why is it called "word to the wise" when you're telling someone who doesn't know? Go »

More Free-Fallin'

A skydiver's chutes won't open, he falls 12,000 feet and survives with minor injuries, and the whole thing is captured on his helmet camera. (link) You have to click on the speaker to activate the sound. Go »