A conversation drifted today into weird shortening of names, like Robert into Bob and William into Bill (how come Michael doesn't become Bike?), and inevitably Richard into Dick came up. How did that even happen, anyway? As usual, Straight Dope had the answer, but in my car I didn't have much chance to check it. Knowing how much I dislike my first name and never use it, I expressed relief not to be named Richard/Dick instead, but then it was pointed out how I could pretty much make my own career in the porn business with the name Dick Hardie. Nobody would believe it was true; I'd have to go by a screen name like Ralph Yastrezimski or something. Can I honestly say I wouldn't consider a name change based on that?

In the news, Kentuckyfriedcruelty.com has changed his name back to Chris Garnett. I may not agree with his cause, but I applaud his determination for hanging on this long after the headlines faded. At least he's not in such bad shape as the woman who tattooed goldenpalace.com into her forehead.


Six Replies to The Importance of Being Richard

Denise Sawicki | August 16, 2006
Girls' names have some weirder nicknames yet, in my opinion. For instance, Peggy and Daisy can be nicknames for Margaret, and Polly can be a nickname for Mary.
See here for examples. I can tell you the reason on Daisy if you don't know already, a daisy in French is un marguerite. I was obsessed with names as a kid.

Denise Sawicki | August 16, 2006
We've been calling our dog Philip by a bunch of stupid nicknames: Pillip, Pill, Billip, Bill, Pillbert, Docket, Huckabee, Blurple, Phil Freemantle, who knows what else.

Jackie Mason | August 17, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Amy Austin | August 17, 2006
Heheh... Devil's been called "Big D", "Little D", Little Bit, Little Nicky (she sounds demonic when she "speaks" in her little devil-tongue sass) -- and let's not forget Wiggle-Butt, Dirt-Muncher, Snoopy-Dog, Scrumpchkin, Smiley, & Stinky... the list goes on. Angel, too (Cowgirl, Cow-Eyes, Cow-Tongue, Horsey, Livestock, Gargantua, Galoot, Behemoth, Sugar Sack, Big Scrumpchkin, Dirt-Muncher, & Stinky...) Too many nicknames to list, actually... ;-D

Jackie Mason | August 18, 2006
[hidden by author request]

Kris Weberg | August 19, 2006
Dogs need names, because they listen. All cats should simply be called "cat."


Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Help Needed

Our friend Bill used to work USF tech support in the early nineties, the days of Windows 3.1 and 28.8k modems. Go »

Ketchup Packets

I was verbally mugged by a former coworker today, a guy I used to think of as a friend some time ago. I had the displeasure of laying him off last year, and after months of struggling to get by with nothing but condiments in his fridge, he started a blog to vent his frustration at me and a few other coworkers he disliked. The comments are very mean-spirited, from professional criticisms about my managerial competence and decision-making, to personal and apparently very nasty jokes about my weight and appearance. Go »

The Phoenix

This is the last of four weekly blog posts about diagnoses that have completely changed my life since the pandemic started, after The Dragon, The Tiger, and The Serpent. I saved the lightest one for last. Many people who discover later in life that they're neurodivergent have reported spending years aware of the symptoms and signs of their condition without ever considering that the description might apply to them, and when they do finally realize, it's as if a thousand mysteries are solved at once: Things that never made sense are all suddenly explained. Go »

Throw Out Your Caller ID

I'm all for scientific research into the paranormal, since it will benefit humankind whether the results are affirmative or negative – but apparently it's awfully hard to keep such research scientific. For instance, I never fail to be amused by ghost hunters who claim to have proven a haunting because electromagnetic readings are higher in the area, a phenomenon that has no demonstrated correlation with hauntings. And let's not even get into the ones who claim to have proven a haunting because a "psychic" said they sensed ghosts nearby. Go »

Heart Burn

The recurring pericarditis that I mentioned elsewhere is now believed by my primary-care doctor to be heartburn or possibly an ulcer. The latter explanation is possible I suppose, but I'm skeptical about the former since it feels less like an acidic burning than like a sharp localized lower-chest pain such as a knife wound or bullet wound. Either way, it still keeps occurring every few weeks, it still hurts like a son of a bitch and keeps me awake all night, and I'm way beyond sick of it happening. Go »

Hungry Hungry Kitty

When you want your dinner, you want your dinner: (link) I do the same thing at China Buffet when they try to take the chicken lo mein off the line. Go »