The Dark Tower

Scott Hardie: “It sucked.”

I haven't read Stephen King's eight-book series, so I didn't hate this movie as much as its fans did. But the impression that it's trying to cover way too much ground in a single film is unmistakable: It would be like a single movie called "Harry Potter" that spent a third of its running time on Harry living with the Dursleys, then a third on Harry spending a couple of days traveling with Dumbledore, then a final showdown in which Dumbledore and Voldemort battle to the death. That's it? Isn't an epicness of scope supposed to be one of the key elements of this story?

And speaking of key elements, what's the subtext here? King understands the importance of them in his stories. The Shining is (among other things) about the corrosiveness of alcoholism. Pet Sematary is about the futility of denying death. Misery is about the parasitic relationship between author and audience. I don't know about the Dark Tower books, but the movie has no real subtext that I can tell, other than quick nods toward notions of honor and duty and family. It's an empty vessel, plot in service of nothing. Why are the bad guys bad and the good guys good? Who knows; they just are. Why do any of these events happen? Who knows; they just do.

The above wouldn't be much of a problem if the movie were entertaining enough, but the dialogue is flat and the action mostly uninspired. The Gunslinger does pull off a few trick shots and sweet reloading moves that show a spark of creativity, and the fish-out-of-water comedy when he arrives in New York is so good that the movie needed more than sixty seconds of it. Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey are both insanely talented, but they can only do so much with a lifeless script; most of their dialogue is expository. Key events in the plot don't make sense, physically or logistically; the movie doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

It could be possible to make an entertaining adaptation of this book series by focusing on the audience-pleasing elements, but it might not be possible at all to make a really good adaptation; the books' essential qualities are literary and unadaptable. There's a reason Hollywood spent thirty years trying in vain to adapt The Dark Tower into a movie; it should have given up before this doomed production began.This review contains spoilers. Reveal it.

− August 12, 2017 • more by Scott • log in or create an account to reply