Dating Scene

Anna Gregoline | July 27, 2004
Where is a place you would not like to go on a date and why would you not want to go there?

Where/What do you think is the perfect first date?

Melissa Erin | July 27, 2004
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Scott Hardie | July 28, 2004
If somebody wants to go to a movie on a first date, I always agree. They want to get together, and they're too shy to make that much conversation at first, so I'm content to let the movie do the talking for us at first. Besides, it's getting to be as expensive as a steak dinner anyway, so what's the difference.

Erik Bates | July 28, 2004
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Lori Lancaster | July 28, 2004
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Denise Sawicki | July 29, 2004
Well I usually wind up dating guys who haven't gone on many dates so I haven't exactly learned much about the "correct" way of doing things from them. :-) I do things all backwards anyhow. "First of all we got to know each other, and then a while after that we met." I kind of like the first date that consists of sitting in a car talking...

Steve Dunn | July 29, 2004
Eric - you're breaking my heart over here.

Here's what you do: Find a person with whom you would like to explore the possibility of romantic involvement. Approach this person in person or by telephone - say that you would like to take the person to dinner and a movie maybe, say, Friday night.

The person will either say yes or no.

If yes, you've got a date.

If no, find another person and repeat the process.

I know this sounds flippant, but I'm completely serious in telling you that if you have any interest in dating, my advice is rock solid. As a married 31 year old guy with a new perspective on the dating scene (from the outside) my biggest regret is that I was so shy about asking women out when I was younger. There is NO REASON not to ask people out.

In advance, come to grips with the possibility of rejection. It is a real possibility. But check it out - it is WAAAAY better to be rejected on the front end, when your interest has just been piqued, then to develop a longing secret crush on someone where you pine away hoping that a relationship will magically develop despite your persistent refusal to take any positive action toward making it happen. Virtually all women are decent enough to let you off the hook easy, maybe come up with some lame but polite excuse why they won't go out with you. Then, all the pressure is off. You can actually develop nice, chill friendships with women who have blown you off, since it is mutually understood that dating is not an option.

Go for it, man. You've got brains, wit, and a genuine interest in others. I know this from chatting with you on this web site for a few months, so it is surely obvious to the people who know you in person.

It really is just as simple as I am saying. Asking the first time will be the hardest thing in the world. The second time it won't be nearly as hard.

The next chapter will be how to handle the situation once you have procured the date.

I am useless if you cannot benefit from my lifetime of mistakes.

Anna Gregoline | July 29, 2004
Amen - friendships too - Scott Hardie and I might not be friends if he hadn't stopped me after class and asked if I was free for lunch. We went to Taco Bell and chatted for an hour or so, and a friendship was born. I'll always feel grateful for Scott for doing that, and it makes me feel really special too - he's the only friend I have that actually sought me out like that.

Thanks, Scott!

Scott Hardie | July 31, 2004
Yeah, I remember that time. I had left behind my friends at another university to attend a more prestigious one, and I wasn't going to make any new ones unless I forced myself to ask people to get together with me. It worked with a few people, and I had a few good lunch conversations, though Anna was the only one that remained in my life afterwards. It was definitely worth that minute of queasiness to gain years of valued friendship.

Anthony Lewis | July 31, 2004
Dating...

See, it's the pressures of dating that keep prostitutes in business. :-)

Erik Bates | August 1, 2004
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Steve Dunn | August 1, 2004
Rock on, dude.