Needs

Scott Hardie | February 21, 2009
This meme has been going around for a few years, but the results change from time to time. Type in your first name plus "needs" into a search engine and copy/paste the first ten things that come up.

According to Google, Scott needs...
1) ...nude models. I already knew that.
2) ...to stop pissing on the cat's head all the time. (Sorry, kitty.)
3) ...a new liver. Uh oh!
4) ...to punish himself.
5) ...a real serious butt-chewing. Whatever I did, I'm sorry!
6) ...a ride.
7) ...more sleep.
8) ...help drinking wine. I can't get the box open.
9) ...to relax. NO I DON'T!!
10) ...to check out a sex shop. Well yeah, the nude models need something to punish me with.

Steve West | February 21, 2009
Steve needs...
1) ...to find a squirrel hitman (Oh, really. I did not know that!)
2) ...sleep (getting warmer)
3) ...Enigmo too! (colder)
4) ...The Money (Lava!!)
5) ...you (?)
6) ...a new v8-pack function (Something else I did not know)
7) ...a Car (Porsche, drool...)
8) ...A Place To Park (makes sense if I get a new Porsche)
9) ...is on Facebook (Imposter!)
10) ...your help (somebody get me off Facebook)

Amy Austin | February 21, 2009
LOL... I could be in a lot of trouble here, though (thanks, Winehouse!):

1) um... first link is all about "Amy needs..."
2) ...and Scott isn't alone on needing help drinking, apparently.
3) holy shit -- another "Amy needs..." list link: "...a LOT, evidently" (I especially liked #11 and #26.)
4) ...gloves to touch herself. Interestingly enough, that was not on either of the first two, quite extensive, lists. Hmm.
5) ...to either wake up or start getting some extra will-power. ... Amy is a vibrant women [sic -- "little"?] with emotional and physical needs.* ... Um, yep -- already twice-informed of that, thanks. Tell me something I don't know, why doncha'!
6) ...a Dentist Picture (yep... I knew that skanky rehab bitch would be my ruin...)
7) Winehouse's Dad says I just... need a break. In the dentist's chair, I'm sure.
8) Hm. This one says I just need to know -- how refreshing. I always knew I had an "enquiring mind".
9) Oh, no... that dirty bitch ruins my rep *again*!
10) And finally, Ringo throws in his 2 bits: says I just need help. Hm... a little help from my friends, maybe? Poor Wino.

Erik Bates | February 21, 2009
[hidden by request]

Tony Peters | February 22, 2009
Tony Needs........

1) his booboo's kissed ..... -
2) an avatar!
3) a haircut
4) to relax
5) your help
6) a drummer!
7) a Playstation3,...
8) a BIG one ...
9) a New HAT
10) a hug

Samir Mehta | February 22, 2009
[hidden by request]

Lori Lancaster | February 22, 2009
[hidden by request]

Amy Austin | February 22, 2009
See... that's what happens when you have a more interesting name, like Samir! And Lori's fist list says she needs "a little hocus-pocus from dear departed Aunt"... and then later, "magic". So much better than a dentist, a shower and rehab, I say.

Aaron Shurtleff | February 22, 2009
Apparently, Aaron needs..
1) To learn to count... That's not fair!
4) Hmm. A list of Aaron needs... And it's a blog on callipygian.org, so apparently Aaron doesn't need a hot ass... Voila!
2) new thongs!! it's the shoes, not the undies, however...
7) a stacge...I thought this was a misspelling of stage, but apparently, according to the online petition, it is a "a full, beautiful, samurai-inspired Fu-Manchu". Huh. It would also apparently make me "a much more attractive and tolerable human being"
9) ..."Princess" Aaron needs a sugar daddy to buy him things. Don't we all?
5) a new band? No! I'm 100% with Userrank 10! Don't believe the rumors!!
3) to get a big chain with A$ on it cuz it would be gangsta. Word!
8) a forever family. Please take me into your home! I only have minor authority issues!
6) a tracheotomy. I knew those years of smoking would catch up with me! :(
10) help deciding whether to cut his hair short, or trim it and grow it out longer. Yeah, that's me, actually. :)

Amy Austin | February 22, 2009
See... even Aaron's is more interesting! (Grow it out... my 2 cents. ;-p)

Lori Lancaster | February 23, 2009
[hidden by request]

Amy Austin | February 24, 2009
LOL!!!