Straight Marriage

Scott Horowitz | November 6, 2004
So, We've discussed Gay Marriage ad nauseum, so why not talk about straight marriage? Is it worth it to spend every dime you have on 1 night of your life? is it better off to elope to vegas?

Kris Weberg | November 6, 2004
As the law now stands, if it were disovered tomorrow that the average person's wedding had not been legally performed, very few people would no longer consider themselves married in any meaningful sense, but they would worry about legal status. Honestly, when you're committed to someone that strongly, tax filings and joint property and such aren't more important. In fact, joint property really isn't an issue unless there's some need to divvy it up, which would generally be divorce anyway. Likewise, you can change your will and your insurance beneficiaries, yway, so testate isn't concerned with such stuff either. Nor, in any real sense, is legal marriage really needed anymore for children. If two people live together and raise their child together, the law really isn't all that involved. It's only when someone goes deadbeat or gets a legal divorce -- which can't happen without legal marriage -- that problems ensue. Couples who are committed to each other, by definition, don't have custody battles.

I disagree at a certain level with the entire notion of legal marriage. If you feel strongly about your love interest and your religion, you should be free to commit through your church, synagogue, mosque, or temple. Other people of your faith will acknowledge that commitment, and no one else has to care all that much so long as they don't bother you. If you just want be able to say you're married as a sign of commitment, but aren't religious, you should be able to do that too. If you don't care about calling it marriage, you don't have to do anything.

The other stuff we currently call 'marriage," the stuff that involves the law? That should be open to all pairs of consenting non-consanguinous adults, and would be treated as a kind of legal contract. You could call it "establishment of household" or "declaration of legal relation" somesuch, because for any strictly legal purpose that's all it is and all it has to be. This has the added benefit of granting some legal status to non-traditional families, like arrangements where grandma raises the kids with mom because dad isn't there, and so on. Dissolution of that would resemble any other contract dissolution, and be handled through the civil courts. It'd probably look a lot like divorce in many cases, but no married person would have to form such a contract to start with, and so would never have to go through the mess of a legal divorce without setting themselves up for it to start with.

Scott Horowitz | November 7, 2004
I actually started this thread as a joke, but Kris seems to get serious with it.

I plan on getting married someday. I personally would like a small wedding. I'd love to tell everyone we're getting married in Vegas, if youw ant to come great, if not, oh well.

Another issue that I have with meeting girls is finding the right one. I'm probably too picky, but looking for a sane one, is not that big of an issue. Had some bad luck with previous women. I also only date Jewish girls. Some people may find that bigotted, but, I want to raise my family in a certain way with certain values, and staying wthin the same religion makes it a lot easier.

Kris Weberg | November 7, 2004
I, too, only seriously date people I'd be comfortable making a long-term commitment to, which is why I never ask a woman out unless she makes $100,000/yr, minimum.

Amy Austin | November 7, 2004
HAHAHAHA... I think your contract proposal is very sound, Kris -- but how exactly is it that you get that information from your intended *before* asking her out... sounds a little creepy to me! ;DDDDD

Anthony Lewis | November 7, 2004
Kris, is that gross or net. I don't think they'd be eligible for Bush's tax cuts.

Kris Weberg | November 7, 2004
All capital gains, man! You think I hand out my number without knowing bracket and rate info?

Anthony Lewis | November 7, 2004
I should have known better.

Carry on sir.

Jackie Mason | November 7, 2004
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Anna Gregoline | November 8, 2004
Jackie, check out indiebride.com for ideas - their message board is so awesome, and it's full of people who want to be a little (or a lot) off the beaten path for their wedding!

Lori Lancaster | November 8, 2004
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Scott Horowitz | November 8, 2004
Ok, that's a little whacko for a wedding. (No offense Lori). I once heard of a bride getting lost of bed sheets that were patterned with different NFL teams. She then had the sheets made into vests for the groomsmen to wear. Apparently the groom was a very big football fan, and she felt it was right.

Lori Lancaster | November 8, 2004
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Jackie Mason | November 8, 2004
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Dave Stoppenhagen | November 8, 2004
my wife especially liked the Knot website (link) for wedding planning

Steve Dunn | November 8, 2004
I think the bride should get whatever she wants for her wedding. It's her day.

My wife and I had a pretty traditional wedding - in her church in her home town. We had an outdoor pig pickin' as the rehearsal dinner, so that was a little different and fun. My main contribution was the music. A band I represented played at the rehearsal dinner (acoustic) and post party (electric). The band I used to play in played for the reception (several of my friends from college had played on their CD so we had a little reunion concert, which was fun). I picked out all the music for the wedding ceremony itself, including hymns that were meaningful to me and a trumpet/organ version of Danny Boy played by my trumpet teacher from college (lots of meaning to that song to my family as well as college friends, for different reasons).

Everything else, I basically stood back and let my wife and her mother decide. The only that really mattered to me was that we have SOME form of alcohol at the reception. My wife's family includes a lot of non-drinkers. We got beer and wine, but I had to kick out a bit to defray the cost. It was well worth it. My friends can be a difficult crowd to manage. I needed then to strap on a nice wine buzz lest they be tempted to sneak out back for bong hits.

Melissa Erin | November 9, 2004
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Erik Bates | November 10, 2004
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Melissa Erin | November 10, 2004
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Scott Hardie | November 11, 2004
Sounds like a great wedding, Steve... Better for the bride and groom to focus on the areas of planning that most interest each of them, and compromise on the rest.

Welcome back, Melissa!