24/25-X-2007 or That's What I Get...
by Aaron Shurtleff on October 25, 2007
I really shouldn't try to write this late, since it messes up the date protocol. But, since the whole protocol was fairly arbitrary, and I made it up to boot, I guess we won't dwell on that. :)
Golly! I had a whole lot of things to put in here, but I don't know the best way to put them out here. Randomly as they come to me sounds about right! It makes replying difficult for you all, but there you are.
First, I had an odd conversation with one of my many many co-workers, at one of my many many jobs (that should make it vague enough that no one recognizes themselves..hopefully). He had a concern, and knowing that I was a man of science, he thought I could answer it. Ladies, you might want to not read the rest of this paragraph, and the men might not like it either. (And let me say right now, that I could not sufficiently answer the question, and I do not want anyone to tell me the answer! I'm better off not knowing, and I will never tell him the answer, so don't bother. Don't!) Anyhow, he turns to me, and he's talking about his girlfriend, and their private social activities, which I really wanted to hear about, let me tell you. Well, he's not having so much luck lately, because of an unfortunate malady that she is having. (I'm getting there!) So, he looks me dead in the eye, and he says to me, "Aaron, my girlfriend has a urinary tract infection. Is that because she doesn't clean herself up properly...down there?" This is not a conversation I wanted to have, with him or anyone. What makes someone ask someone this kind of question? What am I going to say? "Yeah, your girlfriend is a dirty, dirty whore. UTI's are something only dirty, filthy whores get."? Sheesh! And for the record, I told him that I am no doctor, but I believe that while being unclean could cause her some problems, I don't think you can say that UTI's are caused by not being cleanly enough. (And, again, I don't want to hear the actual answer. I don't care! I'm not listening!! LALALALALA!!!)
I have had the worst gas lately! I think people around me can tell, because it's been kind of loud. You didn't want to know that, but it's true. :(
So, I got an iPod for my birthday...kind of. My wife got it for me, but she also needed to use it when she went on her business trip to Mexico, and so now it's full of all her music, and not so much my music. I really kind of feel that she bought it for herself, but that it's technically mine. This bothers me, because I think we've been doing this to each other for a while now. For example, I bought her this snazzy computer I am currently using, and it's fair to say that I use it more than she does, so it kind of makes me feel like she might think I bought it for myself, not her. It's not true of course (I think I already went over this story...), but I think she might think that. Plus, she got me this great digital camera (and yet I still won't update my picture...what an ass I am!), but she takes it along with her when she goes on trips (she's away in NJ right now, and she packed my camera and her camera...she needs them both, don't ask me why), so I really have no way to use it, so it's mostly hers. Plus, it kind of sucks for taking pictures of small things close-up, which, HELLO, that's my focus (insects...this is not a reference to any part of my personal anatomy, all your filthy minded perverts!) (Not that I'm saying that would be an accurate description...not that I'm saying it wouldn't...IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESSES, now stop interrupting me!). I mean, I don't begrudge her using it, and I don't say to her, "I need to use my camera, so please don't take it.", which is mostly because I don't have a photography plan, and I only think of wanting to use it at random times (like right now, I want a picture to put up here, since I have let my fabulous hair grow out, and I look totally awesome, and nothing like my current picture (plus I'm more "weighty", but the hair makes up for the extra cushioning), but I can't because, as I was thinking it earlier, I realized that I don't have my camera in this state). Anyways, all you committed folks out there, let me ask: Is it common to start to seem to be buying gifts for each other, which soon become more your gift than the person you gave it to?
Aqua Teen Hunger Force in the background. "We do not eat our own farts!"
Also, in other iPod news (and this is mostly headed towards a certain user, but I will expland the question so that everyone can enter their two cents), I need to get to downloading music for my iPod. There's been a lot of songs that I didn't like enough to buy the whole album, but that I would enjoy having to listen to at my leisure. Where is the best TOTALLY LEGAL place to get songs from? Is it just iTunes at Apple.com? Do they have a good selection of, let's say, not that I am looking for anything like this, music from anime shows? Like, oh, I don't know, opening and closing theme songs from various anime titles? Is there a better place to find such tasty tidbits? How do you find such places? :)
I did an awkward thing this past weekend, but that's not so surprising. I have to do another awkward thing later on, but it's only quasi-related to the first awkward thing, which will be even more awkward later on. I deal in awkward. [Oh, song of the day is NIN "That's What I Get"] I got this thing I do, which I like to say is subconcious, but really, if you know you're going to do it, but you don't actually try to do it, are you still subconciously doing it? Is there a better term for a reaction you have to certain situations, that you know you will have, but still can't stop yourself from doing it, because, on a deeper level, you feel that it is something that should be done, even if you don't really want it to happen? What it is is that, when I am in a particularly stressful social situation, I tend to do something really stupid or embarrassing or just generally make a really really bad impression. I think I do it because, honestly, I have a hard time being around people, so I think I try to self-destruct the situation, to ensure that I never have to worry about being invited to be around them in social situations and being uncomfortable. (That's my thinking...this has not been run by any sort of psychiatric specialist, so I could be way off base...but it's my thinking). Well, this past weekend, I went out to a dual bachellor/bachellorette party, and I had way way too much to drink. A lot more than I really should have. I ended up having to be drug to the groom-to-be's house, unconcious, having vomited a bit earlier, to sleep off the booze. I'm really embarrassed, but I still have to go to the wedding and see all of these people (and I'll see a few of them more often than that...). And on one level, I'm thinking, "Good. They've seen the worst of me, and now they'll never want to see me again.", even though I really enjoyed their company. I mean, I already knew a few of the people (three of them are actually members of this site, but I don't think they check this blog), and I enjoy spending time with them. But, it's the new people, honestly. I have a hard time around new people, usually (there are exceptions...I do well when I'm not trying to be myself..if that makes sense...like going to the gaming group is easy, because I spend most of that time role-playing someone else.). I think things are OK (maybe not good yet) between myself and the people I already knew, but I think I might have really made an ass of myself around everyone who didn't know me previously, which mostly bothers me. The problem, of course, is that there's that little part of me that doesn't care what an ass I am, and in fact, that part of me thinks what happened was for the best. I wonder if other people are as split and conflicted about things like this. I am, and it's not the best thing, and I hope this doesn't happen to other people, but, in some perverse way, I wish I wasn't the only one who felt the way I do.
I think if I met someone like me...well, if the person was like me, I'd be unlikely to meet them, unless their friends dragged them out to the same place my friends dragged me out to, but I digress...if I met someone just like me...I don't think we'd get along. Maybe, though.
Don't get me wrong. I don't really like to be alone all the time (not that I am alone all the time). It just takes me so long to get warmed up to people, and even then, I don't feel comfortable imposing myself on them very often. Hell, I still get the nervous feeling around my wife sometimes! I mean, I am just trying to say that, on the off-chance that the three people alluded to above read this (and I don't know why I'm not just saying who they are, since it's fairly easy to figure out that I don't personally know too many people on this site, who live close enough to go out to the bars with), it's not that I don't enjoy seeing you guys. And it's not that I didn't want to meet new people. Nor am I saying that I don't ever want to see any of those people again (I actually like most people I meet, if only from a distance). I just got nervous, and I acted stupid, and now, since I am feeling the need to vent, I'm blogging about it. It's all me. It's not in any way you guys or anyone else. It's me.
it's over now i'm cold alone i'm just a person on my own nothing means a thing to me nothing means a thing to me it's not a habit it's cool i feel alive if you don't have it you're on the other side i'm not an addict maybe that's a lie
How long is this blog post anyways? I feel like it's huge. It would be easier just to do smaller posts every so often rather than a huge mega post every six months or so.
I could make up an entire post with just song lyrics that flow from one song to another in my head and onto the keyboard. It would be random and mostly annoying, but I think I would look back on it as one of my better posts in the end. Mostly because all the words would not be mine, even though they would speak volumes to me (and probably about me). I might do that one day. I'll probably have to re-use K's Choice again, though. (That's the paragraph two above this one, that starts with it's over now...Not An Addict is one of those songs that has haunted me since the first time I heard it...and not because I am an addict, I'm not)
Well, I have to drop an e-mail, and go to work tomorrow. :( I'll be back.
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