My mom's birthday present to me was a mini-vacation in Orlando, since we're too broke to take a real vacation. We weighed the options for a few days, theme parks vs small local attractions, and settled on something we had wanted to do for years, DisneyQuest and some of the Downtown Disney complex around it.

I knew DisneyQuest had a lot of motion-simulator and interactive video games, but I didn't realize that the entire 5-story building is just one giant video arcade. Other than the pinball games and bumper cars, every single thing it offers on every floor involves interacting with a character on a screen somehow, even the friggin' elevator. My eyes were sick of video screens after the four hours we were there. (It's Disney World. Even the elevators have to have a plot.)

How come in the "adventure" section of the arcade, next to the jungle cruise ride, they have all kinds of nature-encounter video games, and they're all violent? "Come face-to-face with nature, and shoot at it!" One arcade game after another allowed you to shoot animals with realistic weapons, although some of the animals looked unrealistic. (Then again, this is Florida; maybe we do have tarantulas the size of Hummers.)

You pay $40 to get into DisneyQuest and every game is set to free play. Kelly described what I was feeling too, the boredom that sets in with video games when they're all free. It's like downloading an emulator on your computer and suddenly you have hundreds of games and you don't want to play any of them for more than a minute or two because they feel worthless. It reminded me of that time in high school when Kelly and I joined a friend for an all-night party at a video arcade where we paid $25 to get locked in with other teenagers for the night and all the games were free. Back then video games held my interest much longer and I had fun playing every one of them in detail, but there were no chairs and by 4am we were really sore and crabby, and still had a few more hours until we could leave.

Complaining aside, I did have a lot of fun playing some of the old classics again (Mr. Do! I forgot about you!). I enjoyed the pinball, and I kicked CPU's ass in video poker. Also, the Fast & Furious video game is a highly accurate portrayal of what it's like to drive 110mph through the winding mountain roads of Beverly Hills and land your car on its wheels and keep driving after a ten-story drop.

For me, the best and worst attractions were right next to each other. We got on a virtual jungle cruise where air-filled mattresses shake around a raft in coordination with a video screen in front of you, and you use an electronic paddle to move around on the screen. I was worried about my overweight interfering with the air mattress, but that wasn't the problem; my lousy sense of balance was the problem. Kelly had a good laugh at my expense as I tumbled around in the back of the raft like it was a trampoline. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was pissed and afraid of re-spraining my back, and I did let out an embarrassing "fuck!" after one tumble onto my knees, which is not a word I ever thought I'd shout at Disney World. Anyway, the next ride made up for it, a "Pirates of the Caribbean" shooting game where I piloted our vessel and Kelly joined a family in shooting at enemy ships. We got a great score and that game is really fun to pilot; I got into the mood with some pirate speak. Now I wish we'd done it a second time.

We skipped lunch in DisneyQuest because the food was the usual ridiculous Disney prices ($8 for a plain hot dog), so hiked around the Downtown Disney lot looking for food and shops. The whole time inside DisneyQuest, I sweat like a horse and just wished for a cool fresh breeze, but going outside was no relief because it's May in Florida; the heat was miserable. We explored the new "design your own t-shirt store" and found a toy store with some ugly toys that I can't imagine kids wanting, but the Lego store was a blast. So many fun toys to play with in the store and so many more for sale on the walls; I thought about buying a Victorian street set that I noticed. They even had Lego person salt & pepper shakers, which are pretty unusual pieces to add to Kelly's mom's collection. We also explored a giant Disney gift shop, which is like all of the gift shops in Disney World put together (I've read that it's the largest Disney gift shop in the world, a whole square block by itself), and damn if it wasn't giddy fun seeing all of the neat items on display. I've been to Disney World many times and I've seen most of these same items in dozens of shops (did I imagine the old days when each store's items used to be more or less unique?), but it was still fun seeing them all in one place. Disney sells a lot of merchandise because they come up with some pretty neat merchandise, for kids or otherwise.

Our last discovery was a chocolate shop right by the parking lot that sells my favorite candy, mint meltaways. I previously thought I could only buy them at Fannie Mae in Chicago or inside the Magic Kingdom candy shop, but there they are, ready to be walked up to and purchased any time. I wonder how much houses in Orlando go for...?

Three Replies to Downtown Disney

Amy Austin | May 28, 2009
;-) Glad y'all had a good time. Since I'm back within driving distance now, I started to offer my unemployed company (if so desired), but 1) didn't want anyone to feel pressured or obligated, and 2) not really the best use of my little bit of money right now anyway. (After all... gotta' save up for GooCon! ;-D)

Scott Hardie | May 28, 2009
I understand. I'm feeling the need to save money too, which is why we only spent one day in Orlando instead of the planned two. DisneyQuest was something we even talked about incorporating into GooCon, but now that I've done it, I'm sure it wouldn't be a good idea; why pay $40 each for four hours of video games when I can just bring my Wii if we even get the urge to play at all?

Aaron Shurtleff | May 28, 2009
I almost made the same sort of offer Amy, but I figured I didn't want to impose myself, and Scott knew my number. Or he used to know it... ;) Plus I still have to work, so I couldn't go have fun at all anyways. :(

The LEGO store sounds awesome! I used to have a bunch of LEGOs. I was even in the LEGO Builders Club (don't ask) for a while. I don't need another hobby to take up space in the house, though. :)

And I'd second the Wii over the DisneyQuest as well. I still need to hone my surgery skills on Scott's doctor game (I don't remember the title...)

Let's start the operation!

Logical Operator

The creator of Funeratic, Scott Hardie, blogs about running this site, losing weight, and other passions including his wife Kelly, his friends, movies, gaming, and Florida. Read more »

Random News

Russian reporter murdered by the state. When I observed to a Bulgarian friend that Russia seems to be sinking back into its old fascist state by breaking one inviolable law at a time, he remarked that it always was that way and always will be that way. Whatever things we may dislike about our Congress or President, thank goodness they don't murder us for saying so. Go »

Scott's Razor

Hanlon's Razor states:Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.That's cute, but aren't we all just a little quick to assume either explanation? Nobody trusts anybody else's judgment any more. Go »

What I Did on My Christmas Vacation

The last week and a half was some of the most fun I've had in a long time, and a much-needed vacation. I tend to take many short weekend trips each year rather than one long break, but it feels so good to be rejuvenated and rested for a change. "Christmas" came on Sunday the 23rd, dinner with my mom and Santa's usual generosity all around. Go »

Other Contents Under Pressure

"So this guy is on a dinner date, and he has terrible gas, but he waits because he doesn't want to be embarrassed. When they get back to her house, he can't wait any longer. He desperately asks where her bathroom is, and she says first door on the left. Go »


I enjoy safe hobbies like making websites, but there's something to be said for the dangerous ones: (link) Go »

Thoughts from Barnes & Noble

- Aren't all of these books in the clearance aisles the same ones I saw while Christmas shopping? - Sarasota must be really obsessed with astrology, Barack Obama, pet psychology, and Eastern cooking. Or the whole country is. Go »