Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues
by Steve West on December 7, 2009
Weekly shopping or as it has become, my weekly stroll through Satan's marketplace. I consciously avoided UOAS's line and since there were only two lines, chose the one next door. Let's call this one Slightly Less Ugly On A Stick. They seem to have been bred in the same cashier cloning factory. UOAS had no customers so she drifted over to chat with SLUOAS. In between bouts of adolescent blather (seems SLUOAS is being stalked by that pathetic Raymond who came by to see SLUOAS while she was on break), UOAS was making casual observations, again, on my purchases. And before anyone suggests, she did not come over to engage me specifically in any conversation, the majority of her time was spent trying to convince SLUOAS that her hair extensions needed replacing (every three thousand miles, you know).
UOAS (spotting my Christmas cards): Oh, what are you getting your wife for Christmas?
Me: A gift certificate for Prozac.
UOAS: You're getting a new grill brush now?
SLUOAS: Yeah, who grills in this weather.
Me: I don't grill outside. (twin tilted head expressions of confusion) I grill in the basement. I stick the grill in the fireplace and all the smoke goes up the chimney.
Just for the record, I grill outside in the snow and rain because it's not snowing or raining inside the grill. Jeez, twenty seconds to flip the meat and I'm back inside.
UOAS: (Commenting on my choice of coffee - a sacred violation) You know, the decaf stuff tastes just as good and it's so much better for you.
Me: (Pausing for SLUOAS to add idiotic sidebar - she had nothin') Oh, it'd probably be a bad thing to interrupt my caffeine stream.
Now there's two of them.
One Reply to Got Dem Sunday Shopping UOAS Blues
Web Junkie
Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »
Schadenfreude
Is it wrong to laugh at goofy-looking mugshots? Probably on some level. I mean, the circumstances that led to these photographs being taken had to be well, criminal. Go »Driftwood Horses
I walk along the beach and I see firewood and that opening scene from Jaws. This lady sees Go »Information, Please...
Shortly after I obtained my driver's license, I got brave enough to travel a longer distance than the liquor store. I headed to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania to visit the historic battlefield. I had always been a Civil War nut (short of reenactments) and Antietam I had seen recently (someone else drove). Go »First Post
Rather than clog the TC Board with things that mostly interest me exclusively, this seemed a more appropriate avenue. I'll probably post something nearly every day as I'm online daily just surfin' & lookin' for weird stuff. For example, how else would I have ever known of these products if I hadn't seen them using "strange" in a search string? Go »Lisztomania
Interesting lists and compilations. 50 funniest movie scenes ever. 50 greatest commmercial parodies. Go »
Jackie Mason | December 12, 2009
[hidden by author request]