I was in my car stopped at a light after going to Giant when two jokers pulled beside me and made motions for me to roll down my window. They drunkenly started shouting, "Hi, Santa! What are ya gonna bring me for Christmas this year?"

I should have ignored them but instead replied, "Keep fucking with me and I'm going to have Rudolph shit in your stocking."

That only encouraged them to continue with slurred speech. "But I've been really good this year!"

"Look boys, I'm going to get you new tires for that really short bus you ride to school, I'm going to pay for that long overdue visit to the dentist, and I'm going to get you a gift certificate to the emergency room for after I kick both your asses."

Fortunately for them and me the light turned green and we went separate ways. Not the most festive thing I could have said but they really weren't as funny as they thought they were and, drunkenness aside, those Duck Dynasty rejects found a quick way to stand on my last nerve. Merry Christmas!


One Reply to Ho, Ho, Ho

Scott Hardie | December 24, 2013
Awesome. :-) Merry Christmas (sincerely) to you too!


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Not Halloween But Pretty Scary

Imagine a band composed entirely of ukeleles and a guitar or two. Scared yet? Now imagine that band performing rock songs. Go »

Such As It Is...

Best stuff I found this week. Christmas stuff you either can't afford or shouldn't buy anyway. Spectacular pieces of sculpture made from the incredible, edible egg. Go »

The Real Colon Blow Cereal

Holy metaphors, Batman! This recent All-Bran commercial from Kellogg's touts its ability to aid one in shitting enough bricks to build a barbecue. Go »

Knock Knock Knockin' On Morpheus' Door

Nestled in the arms of Hypnos, my daughter woke me with the sounds of retching. She is struggling with a very phlegmy cough that makes sleeping difficult for her and impossible for me. What with all the changing of bedding in the middle of the night, clothing, dosing with medicine, and comforting - I lost a significant amount of sleep. Go »

So, I Got My Concealed Gun Permit, Yesterday...

...and went over to my local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm pistol for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Go »

Christmas Post #15: Christmas Kitsch

The folks at Ship of Fools annually compile their own gift list of what they term "The Twelve Days of Kitschmas". Good to see they also found huggable urns. Special Bonus 13th Day gift! Go »