Recent conversation with Brenda.

Me: You know those signs that say 'Keep Off the Grass'?

Brenda: Of course.

Me: I wonder if they have those at drug rehab places or if they just feel that it's redundant.

Brenda: I think you need one of those signs.

Me: I actually had a poster in my bedroom as a teenager that said 'Good Buds Stick Together'. Lord knows why my parents put up with that. Maybe they didn't get it. When I started college I switched to 'Coffee. If You're Not Shaking, You Need Another Cup'.

Brenda: I had a poster of Leif Garrett.

Me: And you think I'm mentally impaired?


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

Lauren the Builder

Here’s a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between my 5-year-old daughter, Lauren, and some construction workers. I embellished it only slightly. It will make you believe that we can all make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. Go »

I'm Like Tyson Without a Face Tattoo

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: Where did you get that scar? me: Which one? Brenda: The one between your eyes. Go »

Auntie Em! It's a Twister, It's a Twister!

What the wind blew in this week. According to this chart, Rambo V will have someone die in the first minute of the film and five deaths per minute following. It's official, Robin Williams has turned into a troll. Go »

Anchors Aweigh

Recent conversation with Brenda: Brenda: (after observing me sucking in my stomach while standing on a scale) Ha! Me: What? Brenda: Sucking in your blubber won't help! Go »

Strange Dreams

I dreamt that I had died and gone to Heaven. Brenda lived a few more years and then she passed. When she got to Heaven, she saw me and ran to me with open arms saying how much she had missed me. Go »

Woman Attacks Karaoke Singer

A woman attacked a karaoke singer while he was singing Coldplay. A similar thing happened to me once. I was pretty drunk and I started a fight with some guy singing Dave Matthews. Go »