Recent conversation with Brenda.

Me: You know those signs that say 'Keep Off the Grass'?

Brenda: Of course.

Me: I wonder if they have those at drug rehab places or if they just feel that it's redundant.

Brenda: I think you need one of those signs.

Me: I actually had a poster in my bedroom as a teenager that said 'Good Buds Stick Together'. Lord knows why my parents put up with that. Maybe they didn't get it. When I started college I switched to 'Coffee. If You're Not Shaking, You Need Another Cup'.

Brenda: I had a poster of Leif Garrett.

Me: And you think I'm mentally impaired?


Web Junkie

Steve West scours the Web searching for interest or absurdity and then shakes his head ruefully when he finds it. Read more »

7-Eleven's Legacy

Aside from selling lottery tickets, 7-Eleven stores are recognizable by two products; Slurpees and Big Gulps. All, I mean all, of their food products should have E. Coli warnings on them and an ingredients list that says "some kind of meat, we think". Go »

When You Care Enough to Hit Send

E-cards of an unusual and hilarious nature. I haven't tried one so I don't know if they work - it appears that they do. But they're extremely funny nonetheless. Go »

Oprah Is Immortal

I was talking to Brenda about weight recently - about how hers is creeping up and mine is creeping down. I ran across this article afterwards and showed it to her as a peace offering (man that skillet to the skull really hurts!) Thigh size has been connected to a predilection for heart disease. Go »

I Died a Spy

Recent conversation with Brenda: Me: When I die, I want people to believe I led a double life. Brenda: How and more importantly, why? Me: Try to respect my dying wish. Go »

Tattooing's Last Frontier

Aside from internal organs, there doesn't seem to have been any body part un-tattooed except for the eyeball. Until now. Colored contact lenses weren't good enough for this guy and I really expect him to be the first guy with a spleen tattoo. Go »

Strange Dreams

I dreamt that I had died and gone to Heaven. Brenda lived a few more years and then she passed. When she got to Heaven, she saw me and ran to me with open arms saying how much she had missed me. Go »