Nominal Returns on Unfulfilled Promises
by Kris Weberg on September 12, 2006
Well, I obviously never got around to any poetry over the last week, due to too much reading and not enough sleeping.
And to make up for that, here's some fun for everyone.
Two Replies to Nominal Returns on Unfulfilled Promises
Jackie Mason | September 15, 2006
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Berserk Wig
Legend has it that Kris Weberg's head is filled with delicious candy, which is why he avoids blindfolded children carrying sticks. Fortunately for you, he's decided to empty the leftovers here at his blog for your amusement and bemusement. Read more »
Imaginary Exploits of a Hairpiece Gone Mad
I stop blogging for a week to read up on political theology, and the world goes awry: planets vanish from the heavens, fantasy football gains a stereotypically "feminine" counterpart, and America's children become catastrophically dumber. And the worst of it is, I haven't really got much to post about in my life, unless someone here is up for a discussion of Walter Benjamin's metaphor of the automaton and the dwarf, which is nowhere near as funny as the dirty joke you probably just made up while reading that phrase. (See, there's this chess-playing automaton, and it represents historical materialism, but the machine is animated by a hidden dwarf who represents theology....oh, Go »Constructible Comedy
It strikes me that one of the great untapped ideas for a Web doohickey would be a Groundskeeper Willie Insult Generator. Given the sheer amount of Simpsons geekery online, you'd think at least one of those Cheeto-gorging leet-speakers would have worked out a word bank and a java program to generate an endless string of phrases in the form "[NOUN]-[VERB]ing [NOUN]-[VERB]er" by now. Insights Into Failed Comedy, Part 1: Originally, the example insult in this entry was "Cheetoh-munching," but munching really doesn't conjure up the ghastly -- and thus funny! Go »Don't Leave Me Hangin' on the Telephone
"Goodbye" is, increasingly, the midpoint of every conversation I have online or on wireless. Every phone call with a friend or relative seems to turn into one of Eliot's winding streets, though usually neither tedious nor insidious. I thought this might help, but it's painfully generic advice: There are several ways that you can end a long phone call without making up a story or sounding rude: Leave the conversation open. Go »* 'Round Midnight
First things first: Megan Baxter wins round 1 of the "guess the subject line themes" game. Go Megan! I'll keep a running tally of wins. Go »Negative Attention
Adri's post reminds me of an incident at a Wal*Mart involving myself and some of my friends a few years ago in Peoria. Since she doesn't compromise her rants with dialogue, I guess I'll post it here. Bored and a bit crazed by finals at 3am one early December Saturday, myself, my dorm neighbors Brant Baker* and Ted HItchens* piled into Brant's massive boater of a car -- he was the only one of us froshes with a car at B.U. Go »
Kris Weberg | September 12, 2006
Also, here's the clues so far for this round of the title theme game:
1. 'Round Midnight
2. Natural Deselection
3. Collaborative Theatre with Irrational Actors
4. Don't Leave Me Hangin' on the Telephone
5. Like, Real Gone, Daddy-O
6. Imaginary Exploits of a Hairpiece Gone Mad
7. Nominal Returns on Unfulfilled Promises